( VIDEO. ) | JAN.4TH | PEOPLE YOU MISS THE MOST SMELL THE WORST

[jumpfesta]

Hey, it's your favorite protagonist, Monkey D. Ichigo here.

_{[ What. He moves right along without blinking at eye at his own joke. ]}

It's come to my attention that there's people here who still need jobs. I'm a boss who is in need of help myself. I'm looking for two subordinates. Ah, could it be you..!? Could it be your lucky day..!?

Don't get too excited. I'm looking for specific qualifications. Replacing people ain't easy, especially when you have 77 volumes of memories with them. Moving right along..

First off is the straight man, the guy that really brings in all of the jokes. A virgin, a loser. 95% glasses, 3% water, 2% garbage. Your love life should be absolute trash and you idolize idols. Bowl cut is nice but not mandatory. Must answer to Pattsuan.

Second slot is for the cheap heroine. Most unladylike, flat-chested and graceless. Charming and cute in her own way, but could kick your ass. Having the appetite of a whole horse is required.

Ah, I almost forgot.. bonus points if you look anything like this.

_{[ Here, he holds up a drawing. Clearly, a masterpiece: ]}



Thanks for your time.

_{[ BUT.. HE NEVER DESCRIBES WHAT KIND OF WORK HE DOES?? ]}

Comments

Video - UN: hopefulfuture

[despairing_hope]

Instead of trying to replace your friends, shouldn't you tell us what the duties are?

video.

[tensasai]

You again.

So you want people to openly admit they have these bad qualities you're looking for to-

[wait.]

You didn't even say what this was about?!

[jumpfesta]

_{[ Ah. Kindred, curly white hair bretheren. He understands your pain (at least when it comes to hair styling.) ]}

Aaa, should I have?
What for?

[jumpfesta]

_{[ Without even looking up at the screen: ]}

You're hired.

[tensasai]

Consider this my resignation!!

[jumpfesta]

_{[ Deadpan: ]}
I require a two week notice.

_{[ Back to the screen: ]}

Man. I just don't know. You're really suited to be a Pattsuan but you've got the look of a heroine.
Anyway you can fill both roles at once?

[tensasai]

[Man, this place really is cursed, she'd been talking about looking at jobs just the other day and now... vague gestures at all of this.]

Can I be some combination of gluttonous virgin for whatever vague things you need that kind of person for?

No.

[jumpfesta]

Great.

_{[ She's just amping up her straight man act enough. Gintoki flips his drawing over and clicks the back of the pens against his neck, jotting something down it looks like. ]}

What's your availability?

[tensasai]

[Too bad it never gets her anywhere, always ignored so the exuberant shenanigans can continue.]

Never and never. You still haven't explained what this is about.

video

[provenforce]

Are you actually going to pay these people you're obviously planning on degrading on a regular basis?

[jumpfesta]

_{[ He can't help but push her buttons, but very well. He can't keep her guessing and guessing. ]}

Well, it's.. you know.
I do stuff.

_{[ Kind of. ]}

[tensasai]

I'm aware of the stuff you do.

[She is way too skilled to be a cashier at a failed kissing booth.]

Not interested.

[jumpfesta]

_{[ Man, she's calling him out right away. Nice. ]}

Well, yeah. It's a lot easier to do that since I haven't come across a pachinko parlor here yet.

_{[ He's he insinuating he didn't pay the people back home he's trying to replace? Absolutely. ]}

A portion of their paychecks went to a rightful cause. Don't worry.
_{[ WHICH IS GAMBLING. ]}

[jumpfesta]

_{[ Oh boy. Here it comes. ]}

Not interested in finding a person's lost pet? Not interested in reuniting a mother with her long lost son? What about improving a young man or woman's self esteem? Proving someone's innocence who was wrongfully found guilty? Protecting someone who is weak?

Aaaa, Tenten-san. I thought for sure you would be someone who would want to partake in things that only those that are pure of heart are worthy of.

My job is to help others, no matter what it is. That's all that is in my job description.

_{[ Oh, man. There's nostalgia in his eyes. Something about this seems surprisingly sincere. ]}

[despairing_hope]

[If only he knew such a complex was being projected on him.]

Well, it's easier to find someone to do the duties than to replace actual people. Isnt it too much to ask that?

voice

[kesi]

... It may be beneficial to your hiring process to describe what the job entails.

[He's trying to be nice and offer advice instead of wonder if Gintoki has any shame.]

Voice - UN: pumpaction

[angelshot]

What, you couldn't hack it on your own so now you gotta find two useless losers to do all your dirty work?

[ SHOTS FIRED. ]

[provenforce]

[ Rey's got a real good 'wtf' face that's getting a lot of mileage right now. ]

Right. Good luck with that.

[jumpfesta]

Not interested? You sure?
You give off world-known, major franchise heroine vibes.

[jumpfesta]

Aaaa, what the hell? There's something slutty coming out of my device right now. Help me, somebody! The kids will hear!

_{[ Yeah just. This is how he responds to being called out. ]}

[jumpfesta]

Right. About that..

_{[ A little rustling of paper. ]}

I don't actually know.
Work for me anyways.

[jumpfesta]

You sure about that?
Their character types are kind of bland. I'm surprised I've actually come to asking the network this.

[despairing_hope]

Words like that are going to give you enemies easily.

[kesi]

... What exactly would you have me do? [Takame no.]

[jumpfesta]

It's kind of like going to an arcade and expecting to win. Win what? Oi, we just don't know.
Can't really tell you.

All you need is a willing heart and take whatever requests you're given.

_{[ Sketchy af. ]}