text; un: weiwuxian

[resurging]

[ here's some disclosure: wei wuxian is wasted. ridiculously, hilariously wasted, thanks to the festivities surrounding the new year, and he's feeling fond. a little generous, too. maybe a little too generous?

anyway, this concerns his brother. the younger one, with the deep frown lines. jiang cheng!

wei wuxian has painstakingly typed this message, so please appreciate the effort that it took to write this in his inebriated state. ]

TO ALL THAT I MAY TROUBLE FOR A MINUTE OR TWO!

I humbly present my brother, Jiang Cheng of the Yunmeng Jiang, for your pleasure.

He is a handsome man, ranked fifth most desirable back home, and he is seeking companionship! He works hard, harder than anyone I know, and he is one of the kindest people you'll ever meet. He likes soup, sparring, and small furry animals. His favorite color is lavender, because it brings out the color of his eyes! His swordsmanship is pretty good, and uh, he's very vocal! Loudly vocal, actually, his lungs are very strong. Great if you like that kind of thing!

If you're looking for a day of adventure, or a night of pleasant conversation, please consider Jiang Cheng!

For those interested, feel free to contact me, Wei Wuxian, and I shall arrange your dates for you. Or you can also speak to him directly! He gets very shy, though, so don't be surprised if he acts a bit weird at first.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION!

Comments

[consignation]

HELPING ME WHAT??? TAKE MY OWN LIFE?

[resurging]

don't be like that, i'm getting you a date
maybe we'll finally find the lady of your dreams

[consignation]

TAKE THIS DOWN BEFORE PEOPLE SEE IT
THERE IS NO LADY OF MY DREAMS!! IM NOT HAVING ANY DREAMS!!! TAKE THIS DOWN!!!!

[resurging]

what do you mean you're not having any dreams, are you sleeping well? are you sick? jiang cheng are you sick?

[consignation]

YES IM SICK OF YOU IM THE ONLY ONE HOLDING THIS FAMILY TOGETHER

[resurging]

but don't you want to find someone you could love with all your heart?

[consignation]

ALL I WANT TO FIND RIGHT NOW IS YOU SO I CAN STRANGLE YOU WITH MY HANDS
WHERE ARE YOU
DONT YOU GIVE ME ENOUGH TROUBLE???
DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME FOR THIS????

[resurging]

i only want to help you! why are you mean, that's not very nice of you!

you deserve someone who will look at you like you put the stars in the sky, jiang cheng

1/2

[consignation]

oh, i see

[consignation]

you're trying to ease your conscience so you can leave me for lan wangji

[resurging]

what does this have to do with lan zhan!!! i'm trying to help you find someone!!!

[consignation]

so you can run off and leave me running jiang sect alone!!
name one thing this last week that hasn't been about lan wangji!!!

[resurging]

the mop? you bought the mop for me! that's not about him!

and i'm not running off, where would i even run to? we're family! we'll always stick together!

[consignation]

THE MOP WAS FOR CLEANING FOR A VISIT FROM THE LANS
MAYBE YOU WANT TO MARRY LAN WANGJI AND BECOME A LAN I DONT KNOW

[resurging]

[ unbeknownst to wei wuxian, they're already married, and it's one reason why lan wangji is so annoyed with him at the moment. good thing wei wuxian doens't know! because this way he can't lie! ]

lans! as in three of them! so lan zhan is just a third of a reason for the mop!

i don't wanna be a lan, have you forgotten the food? and the climate? and the

everything???

i will die! why do insist so much about lan zhan anyway, why are you so convinced i want to marry him? do you???

[consignation]

MAYBE I DO
WHO WOULDNT WANT HIS STUPID
SUPERIORITY COMPLEX
AND HIS DUMB
GUQIN MAGIC
AND HIS
RGUH

[resurging]

lan zhan is a respectful and good upstanding person, and he acts according to what the gusu lan expects of him, and his guqin isn't dumb!

well, it looks weird and unwieldy, but he plays it really well so that evens out

and besides even if i wanted to marry him he doesn't see me that way, so there's nothing to worry about! we're good friends, that's all!

[consignation]

SO YOU CONFESS

[resurging]

TO WHAT?! FRIENDSHIP?!!?

[consignation]

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE THE ONLY REASON I DONT HAVE TO WORRY IS HES NOT INTERESTED

[resurging]

I LIKE HIM AND I WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND, JIANG CHENG

AND HE ISN'T SO YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY

[consignation]

SWEAR TO ME YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS

[resurging]

suddenly i can't read

[consignation]

ANOTHER CONFESSION!!! IM TELLING LAN WANGJI

[downswing]

( somewhere out there, spidey senses tingle. )