text | anonymous

[penpoint]

I have a question. Consider it a bit of a survey or questionnaire. I'm curious. I want to remain anonymous, so that people feel like they can safely remain anonymous, as well.

What does love mean to you here? What did it mean to you at home? Is it different for both?

Relationships are seemingly more complicated here than they would be at most of our homes. I was wondering if others felt the same.

How are you managing it here in a place where it does seem more complicated? Are you doing the same things you would have done if you were at home?

Thank you for your time.

Comments

[starmark]

i mean i'm not going to pretend to give an answer if i don't really have one to give
or do you want me to just make shit up
because that doesn't sound like what you're looking for here

i think it's actually easier here
yeah it's more complicated
but i think the moons sort of make you more honest

[penpoint]

Ah. Not having one isn't quite the same thing as not wanting to give one.

"Honest"? Sometimes, for sure. Cordis tends to remove some inhibitions that you might otherwise have. But other times, I would say it's a dishonest representation of myself.

[starmark]

i don't really know a lot about cordis
but it seems like all of them make you more aware of how you really feel about people

so if cordis takes away your inhibitions
then it takes away the part of you that might try to talk yourself out of being around the people you like, right

iris makes you clingy but it also makes you want to take care of people i think
it makes you sort of need to be with the people who matter

sanguis makes you possessive of the people who matter
and kind of crazy for them
like you'd do anything to give them what they want

so there's a lot less fucking around when it comes to figuring stuff out
the moons make it so you can't ignore it

[penpoint]

I'd have difficulty considering me acting out of character as "honesty", though. If I say or do things that I wouldn't otherwise do, that's not me.

I'm not saying I would talk myself out of it. I'm saying I wouldn't consider it to start with. Acting on, or speaking of, anything like that wouldn't cross my mind.

The depth of which they can break down some of those barriers is inconvenient at best.

[starmark]

unless you lie to yourself a lot
i'm not saying you do but plenty of people do
"me" is what they want other people to think of them and what they try to be
not necessarily what they'd be without that influence

i'm pretty sure the moons can't give you feelings that aren't already there
i think they only amplify ones that already exist

[penpoint]

[ there's that moment of: huh, maybe i am that hits him before he replies. he knows his perspective on people's natural states are a little skewed because of what he knows and can do. ]


I can see where that could be the case. I can also see where they're simply something unknown to be true to the person, or maybe they wouldn't be true if not for outside influences.

I consider an uninfluenced person their most natural state. If someone were drunk and behaving differently would you consider them to be someone who is always like that, or just under the influence? Cordis is almost like a perpetually drunken state for me. I can keep it just enough together. And I'm sure it's much, much worse for others.

And if you say or do something you wanted to - do without the influence, it's not like you can make someone unhear him.

[starmark]

serious question
have you ever been drunk before

i don't mean cordis drunk
i mean like actually drunk
the kind of drunk you're using in your analogy

[penpoint]

I've been drunk.
I've been through Cordis.
And I've been drunk during Cordis.

All three are a bit different. Just as you wouldn't say that being drugged and drunk are a similar impact, but it's something plenty would understand.

It's like you're there but you're not. You don't make choices you'd regularly make. There's that voice in the back of your head telling you it's funny to do things that you'd never do because they are bad ideas.

[starmark]

see
i think you've got one thing wrong with that

beer doesn't suddenly give you a new personality
yeah you might do stuff you know better than to do when you're sober
yeah it might drag up a side of you that you usually keep under wraps

but when you say things you'd never do
what you really mean is
things you could do but that you know better

which is different than things you'd never do

[penpoint]

[ He knows he's not wrong -- and yet. ]

Yes. I mean - it is splitting hairs, though. The difference of knowing better not to ever do it, and never doing it.

I never do things I know better not to do. Unless of course, I'm outside of myself.

I don't mean that I'm an entirely different person, though. I just feel like I am - behave like I am.

I wonder if it will make sense this way:

Cordis is a child in front of a giant red button with a 'do not push' sign.

[starmark]

yeah i get it
sanguis is kind of like that for me

oh
right
i'm a sanguis
but anyway

sanguis is like
it's a separate thing from me
but still a part of me

like an evil spirit i have to control

maybe that doesn't make a lot of sense
it makes sense to me though

maybe it would help you to think of cordis like that though
don't think of it as a force that affects you
think of it like its own thing
but a thing that's a part of you
and you can either go in the same direction or opposite ones

but you're the one with the final say

[penpoint]

An evil spirit? That's an interesting perspective. But I read and watch enough film to know and understand what you mean. It's been a fight to behave and even then everything I do isn't the best.

Knowing that, that is what it makes interpersonal relationships more difficult to navigate.

That why the line of questioning. [ as if they weren't... already not his personal strength ]

[starmark]

so pretty much what you're saying is

cordis makes you feel stuff and you hate it

[penpoint]

Not exactly.

Cordis amplifies existing feelings and removes any potential logic on not acting on them.

Accompanied by the pheromones we have attached to us. I just find it better to stay inside, to be honest. You can't make as many mistakes if you don't go outside and see others.