text; un: xiaoxingchen

[mingyues]

[ xiao xingchen is not someone who feels the urge to ask questions often. not of others, and even less so of strangers. for this, however, he'll make an exception, even if the words are hard to parse. ]

I have been thinking
The people that we are in this place, the people we become —
Is there a chance in this world for those who are destined to commit evil?
Or is it futile to expect that anything will change when we return to our worlds?

And if it is futile then... does anything we do here matter?

Comments

voice;

[noenvy]

I don't know my future beyond my last memory, I'm the one who remembers the most from my world.

[But he wasn't worried for his future, he was secure in it.]

But, there is much I have lost that is here, and I will gladly keep hold of it tightly and close. Because I know their future, I have to cherish every moment I have.

[mingyues]

If someone were to tell you that the future that awaits you is worse than you could imagine? If - [ he swallows, continues with difficulty ] How could you sleep at night? How could anyone?

But keeping the truth of the future from others to avoid hurting them... that is difficult too.

[noenvy]

I would still just live today. Tomorrow is tomorrow, let's think of today, the here and now. Why worry about something we might not see for years?

Unless there's a way to change that future, worrying about it is pointless.

[mingyues]

Master Wei speaks with such certainty and confidence, I wish I had that too. But I... cannot forgive myself over what I will do.

I cannot stop worrying about it. Or trying to think of a way to stop it.

[noenvy]

In my opinion, you have never done anything wrong.

[mingyues]

Oh. [ ... well then. this is vaguely distressing rip.

... ]

You know then?


You know too?

[noenvy]

I only know what transpired in my world, I can't say if it is similar to your situation or not. But regardless of the world, I can't imagine you having ever done anything wrong.

[mingyues]

Our worlds share... differences and similarities. Enough that — maybe the details are not exactly the same but they are close enough.

It was Song Daozhang from your world who disclosed the truth. You might not think I did anything wrong but, my hard still spilled the blood of innocent people.

[noenvy]

You can't blame yourself for that.

There is only one man I will ever blame for that.

[mingyues]

I can lay the blame on him for a lot of things, but those innocent lives are on me. To accept anything else is ...wrong.

[ xiao xingchen why are you like this? working on these absolutes? on this black and white mentality? STOP PLS. ]

[noenvy]

How? If you had known, if you had been given a choice, it never would have been on your hands.

[mingyues]

It was my choice to use Shuanghua. My choice to strike blindly and not doubt myself. Perhaps, if I had doubted myself, if I had been more careful - if I had not been so certain of my righteousness -

- my own blindness caused this. That is why, the responsibility is mine.

[noenvy]

You were fine, until that point. No one would have expected such a person to go through such efforts to deceive you. Those sorts of things, they're not your responsibility.

[mingyues]

He should have just killed me and be done with it. But... [ well, his feelings on that issue are complicated. it's not that he would have wanted to die, but his death would have been preferable to innocent lives. always. ]

I want to believe your words, master Wei. I want to but then I would feel - I cannot.

[noenvy]

...

Why have these futures been revealed to you? Why did he feel a need to tell you?

... He had tried so hard not to let you know at that time....

tw mention of suicide/self-harm

[mingyues]

Please do not be angry with him. I... to keep this secret must have been painful to him. He made me swear not to bring harm to myself and I - I will uphold that oath.

Re: tw mention of suicide/self-harm

[noenvy]

I am glad you will hold to that.

[He doesn't want to see any Xia Xingchen kill themselves again.]

But... this was a secret he took with him to the grave, why was he so compelled to reveal it now?

[mingyues]

That is something you may have to ask him yourself, master Wei. It may have have to do with Song Daozhang's departure.

[noenvy]

Perhaps I will....

[mingyues]

Song Daozhang has suffered so much, and endured so much for my sake. For my mistakes for... for meeting me.

[noenvy]

Do not blame yourself. Things... could have been better, but... it is not your fault. Sometimes life is simply cruel.

[mingyues]

Do you believe in destiny? Or simply bad luck?

[noenvy]

Some things surely must be fated, but others... I'm not sure.

[mingyues]

Thank you, master Wei. I am not sure what to do.

What I should do but your words help.

[noenvy]

I'm glad I could help a little.