prismatica | VIDEO; un: robotman

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VIDEO; un: robotman

There's some-- some easy solution to all of this, right? Surviving the cycle with your sanity intact? Something I'm overlooking? Am I too distracted?

[Dressed in a black tank top, Robotnik looks... well, stressed out, mostly. And weirdly translucent. And sweaty. Definitely moonblessing issues. His hair's a mess, his mustache isn't faring much better, and he's pacing back and forth judging by the movement of the screen. Of course, the obvious solution is staring him right in the face, but he's ignoring that right now.

He's not even sure why he's bothering with the network. He was intending to suffer in silence, get this over with, get back to what passes for normal around here. But he wants to talk to people. Since fucking when? People are the last thing he needs, ever, but especially now.

Iris, he's concluded over and over again, is indeed the worst.]

Barring the obvious, I mean. It's-- It's incredible. I thought-- I thought I could take it, thought I could handle it. Nothing stumps me like this. [He runs a hand through his hair.] Everything has been... inconclusive. Ridiculous! Inconclusive! Think about it! I can't figure it out! Me!

[He's babbling. But in his defense he's running through his first Iris cycle on the heels of having a serious fucking case of alien-mind-share-device-induced brain junk data. Shit's fucked.]

How the hell do you live like this?

[Yes, he's absolutely making way too big of a deal out of this but he doesn't care.

He'll care later, probably. He'll definitely care later. But not now.]

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[He shrugs a shoulder. He can see it, maybe. Not the appeal, exactly. She's not his type.

Why is he thinking about this.]

I mean, I don't want that, for one.

[He has like one person total he'll even let get near him. And like hell he's making a sexbot of him.]

I figure I'll just branch off of my usual design, work for efficiency and options rather than looks.

If you're such a gooooooooddddd robot maker like you claim to be, you'd be great at efficiency, options, and looks.

_{[ Is this a valid point? IS IT?
IF IT IS, WHY IS IT? ]}

How does not having an interest in putting a wig on a robot translate to incapability?

[HOW DOES IT, HUH???]

I have a particular aesthetic and it doesn't involve replicating celebrities.

_{[ Flatly: ]} Depending on how smart the robot is, which, you're so good at this, I'm sure they're quite sentient, she might feel embarrassed about being bald. Huh? Don't you care about Robot Janet-san's feelings? Nobody wants to fuck a baldy either.

What is your aesthetic? An antique microwave? Is that what turns you on?

I'M NOT MAKING A ROBOT JANET JACKSON.

[Well, at least the conversation's distracting him from other things.]

I like my machines to be sleek. Efficient. Deadly.

[Weirdly egg-shaped.]

_{It really does sound like a commercial ad for a microwave..}
Anyway, sounds pretty good to me. An army of robotic sadists. We're usually sleek, deadly and efficient. It's like a dream come true.
_{[ He never said he was making an army??? Just one for him?? ]}

If you need anymore assistance with this project, I'm here to help. I do anything for the right price.
_{[ He holds up a business card: Odd Jobs Gin-chan. Robotnik isn't the first person he's pushed his services on. ]}

My rates are low. I'm a charming person to work with.
_{[ Just look at those dead fish eyes. ]}

Though, consider the wig. You might actually like it if you give it a try, Robotman-san.

The robots aren't sadists, they just do their jobs.

[Gotta make some clarifications, obviously.

He squints at the business card, shaking his head slowly.]

I don't need assistance, [he insists,] but if somehow I ever decide I need anything, I'll try to put you down on a list somewhere, if I remember.

[He's not going to bother with the wig thing anymore, but...]

It's Doctor, actually. Dr. Robotnik.

_{[ And here he was expecting this to be an alternate version of Dr. Wily where he actually has more hair. Still, he's not too far off of the mark. Everything tracks. Robotnik does have hair and he's used to seeing him bald.

No wonder Robotnik is talking about wigs. ]}

Aaaa, I forgot to mention, tracking down super fast hedgehogs is against my policy. Yeah, it's a pretty specific policy, but just thought I should mention it if you ever decide you need my help.

But anything else goes.

Good luck with your sexbot scheme— I mean, plan.

...

[He's staring. Robotnik.exe has stopped responding.

NOW HOLD ON JUST ONE SECOND.]

How do you know about the creature?

[That shitty little town had like, what, five people in it, give or take? He doesn't recognize this guy. No way anyone anywhere else got enough of an actual look at what was happening, right?]

What creature?

_{[ I'm sorry he's like this.

But also, do we really want him to go here and explain to Robotnik "the creature's" games are in arcades all across Edo? Do we really want to go to the territory of "it's the 1800's where I'm from, but aliens took over our government and brought with them all sorts of modern things such as Bentendo and KEGA?"

Do we really want Gintoki to explain his knock-off Sonic that he has to use so their animation studio didn't get sued?

Do we? ]}

The... the fast one. The "hedgehog."

[Complete with air-quotes.

Who needs to worry about Iris things when someone knows about what was happening in your life, apparently????

Whatever weird shit is going on where this guy comes from, the fact that someone is aware of his existence and his association with the alien is, uh, concerning.]

I don't believe we've met, right?

I get he’s your nemesis, but calling him a creature is kind of rude, isn’t it?

_{[ A finger goes to his nose, picking at it. ]}

Not officially. I mean, I just played the games in passing. Video games aren’t really my thing. I prefer pachinko.

_{[ He doe not know too much of your association with the creature, okay. Just surface knowledge. ]}

You’re a lot thinner in person, I’m just gonna say that.

What the hell are you even talking about.

[Nemesis? At this point, maybe, sure. It is his fault he's here and having all of this happen, after all.

But uhhhhh the rest is kinda gibberish. Video games? Since fucking when, right?]

I don't know what you think you know, but-- what do you mean thinner.

[A MYSTERY]

Mm. Yeah. Thinner. Actually not bad looking.
_{[ It’s the solid truth. He can think of is that weird cue ball head and bushy orange mustache. ]}

Trust me, you really don’t want to know.
_{[ What happens when you show someone their alternate design? Gin is curious, but not too curious to find out. Yet. ]}

Though, the more I look at you, the more you look like that Dumb and Dumber guy.
What was his name...

_{[ He’s thinking hard, here. ]}

I can’t remember his name, oh well.

... You're not getting out of this ridiculousness via compliments.

[Someone telling him he doesn't want to know something is a damn good way to make him want to know something!! It's stupid to think that'll distract him, and--

Wait, is he calling him dumb and/or dumber??? What?]

I'll have you know, I'm the greatest scientific mind in the fucking universe, which you should know if you know who I am.

I'm not dumb or dumber.

There was a sequel too.. Dumb and Dumberer.

_{[ This is going to kill him. The actor is famous too!! He seems preoccupied thinking and is tuning Robotnik out for a moment, then he settles his attention on the feed. ]}

You really wanna know, huh?

[He throws his hands up... so the video just shows a quick sideways glimpse of his room because he's got his device strapped to his wrist.

He's yelling back into it soon enough, though.]

THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD.

[... That's what he focuses on.]

Noooo, I just want to have someone weirdly aware of me in some bizarre way that doesn't even add up. It's my favorite.

Ah, alright. If that’s the case, I’ll tell you everything.

But only if you beg.
_{[ It has now been 0 days since Gintoki has kept his sadism out of casual conversations with strangers. You did well, Ginchan. ]}

[He sighs, takes a deep, deep breath, and lets out a... weirdly strained] No.

[The fact that it was hard to straight-up say no in the first place is very stressful. Fuck this Iris shit.]

You'll tell me, or I'll do everything in my power to make life very, very difficult for you.

[It's probably not very effective, considering the context of the conversation in the first place... but it's all he's got right now.]

You can get on your hands and knees if you want.
But no begging, no information, Robuttnik-sensei.

Ah, I mean, Robotnik-sensei.

_{[ He likes it when people challenge him. ]}

[IGNORE THAT ROBOTNIK, IGNORE THAT.

Deep breaths.]

I'm sure you're aware of what I'm capable of.

[This would be waaaay easier if he wasn't dealing with this shit...]

I just might make your Janet bot, hold her hostage... no wig.

Keep her. She’s been a naughty girl and probably deserves it. Put her on display for some public humiliation. It could be her thing.
_{[ He really is awful. ]}

I’m not afraid of your technology. The funny thing is, I know what you’re capable of, but you don’t know what I’m capable of.

[Uhhhhhhh so that one backfired. But oh well, he's got other tricks up his sleeve. He scoffs.]

Well, you might also be aware that I'm capable of finding out what people are capable of.

[He tries to seem all casual about it. He's still kinda sweaty.]

You can't hide.

I can’t? Ah..
That is one thing that I didn’t know.

That you’re into voyeurism.

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