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Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

WHOSE SHITTY-ASS PET LIZARD IS THIS?!

[ Well jeez, Panty. Nice to see you too.
There's no fanfare in this particular Anarchy-brand PSA, just shrill indignation and a lovely view of the disorganized pink chaos that is Panty's room. Which is fine and all... except for the very small, very feisty dragon curled up on her mattress and expensive af sheets, coiled up like a cobra and hissing in obvious displeasure at having someone invade its nice new nest.
Where did it come from? No idea. Don't care. But she clearly wants it gone. ]

How the hell am I supposed to tap ass if this thing is gonna bite a dude's dick off, huh? Is this a prank? Who DOES that?! What is wrong with you people?

You know what, fuck it. Peel your stupid iguana off the pavement for all I care.

[ And by 'fuck it' she means she'll solve this whole issue in a very practical fashion.
As in lunging forwards, grabbing the very unhappy dragon by the scruff (judging from the puffs of smoke and a few sparks, it's still just a youngster), and straight up yeets the unfortunate beastie straight out the open window. Problem solved, right?
HA HA... well. No.
Unfortunately for Panty, dragons can fly. There's a brief blur of scales sailing right back in like an oversized boomerang, a meaty 'SMACK' of something colliding squarely with her face, and the feed promptly cuts off.

She might have to sleep on the couch for a while. The new tenant isn't going anywhere. ]

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[ Girl, you ain't gotta tell her twice! Level 1's where she goes for any and all lingerie needs - especially after the bulk shopping debacle around Level 2. (Don't ask, she doesn't like to talk about it.) Better skin products up there too.

Anyway! Panty's excited expression sours a little out of disappointment, pulling back a bit so she's not eyeballs-to-screen with her device. ]

Lame. Nope, never heard of you... is "god of love" a VIP stripper title or something?

[ PANTY...

To be fair, Daten City is her turf and there's just never been a reason to be concerned with anywhere else, not counting the occasional safari off to other countries or literal space for one stupid reason or another. Panty's not exactly what you'd call a habitual academic. ]

Dunno about messengers or whatever. I'm an angel.

[ Yeah. """"""Angel"""""". ]

[ He can be seen mouthing 'VIP stripper?' silently to himself. Is Eros contemplating it? No. He's got a plan to be a sexy librarian, Panty. Stop trying to turn him to deviancy. ]

Lame? I have domain over love and sex. I could make you fall in love with anything I wanted. [ Or just want to bang it, but y'know. ]

So why'd you get kicked out?

[ She's pure deviancy itself. Careful, hang around her long enough and some of her mannerisms may rub off on him...
...and FYI naughty librarians are a hot item on the right market. Just sayin'. 👀 ]

Uh, yeah? Pretty lame. I mean, you can try out your shcmoopy voodoo magic if you want, but it probably won't work on me. Sorry, sugartits. [ Panty drawls, cushioning her cheek on her fist. ] No idea what love is.

[ You can't go hopping dick wild and free for nearly two millennia if you get attached to anyone. Panty wouldn't touch the concept of love with a fifty foot long pole.
As for getting ejected from the pearly gates: ]

Oh, you know, the usual... partying too hard, riding too many dicks, blah blah blah. Apparently it's "against the rules" or whatever.

[ He is more than ready to target that market. Have you seen him in glasses? Neither have I. Fanart needs to happen. He folds his arms. Pretty lame?! ]

I was going to offer to come over but if you're that convinced that I'm pretty lame I can stay put over here. [ Yes, he does stick out his tongue. THAT HE WILL NOT BE USING INAPPROPRIATELY. Not in this Good Christian Minecraft Server! ..!11!1!. Fuck. ] Sugarti-- Excuse me?! [ Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl. ]

So you got kicked out of this Heaven place for a normal Tuesday on Olympus. Sounds like you're not missing out much by being banished.

[ Panty's bored mien shifts a little, a subtle smile baring just a sliver of teeth. ]

Hakuna your tatas, killer. I'm just saying. Do you have any idea how many clueless schlubs claim they're sex gods? [ Sounds like she hurt someone's feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings. Unfortunately, Panty's favourite pastime is getting a rise out of anyone she possibly can, which should become crystal clear from the crooked cheshire cat grin that's slowly widening on her face. Sorry not sorry. ] Don't blame a girl for being skeptical about hearing that tired old line again.

It's whatevs. The whole "tap ass, get paid" deal down here is totally my jam anyway, so I don't really want to go back anymore.

[ Thoughtful pause. ]

Anyway... you can make people go bonkers over whoever you want, right? Bet you could make a shit ton of cash with a matchmaking service.

Did they all have wings and arrows? If they did I need to challenge them to a battle. That's just how it is.

[ He's teasing. Eros likes to keep the battling to a minimum these days if he can help it, but it feels like a thing he should say. Defend his honor, etc.

It's not as if Panty is wrong but... ]

Abuse my powers for profit? Such lax morals... [ squint ] What's your name again? I can't pretend to scold you without one.

Arrows? Who even bothers with those anymore?

[ BEHOLD. Exhibit #2 of Eros being ultra lame. Guns are the new bows, babycakes! Sounds like it's time to upgrade.
As for that 'morals' chiding, Panty just shrugs. She gives him a perfectly good get rich quick scheme that's guaranteed to work and this is the thanks she gets... honestly, you people. It's like fine, upstanding citizens are plagued with something gross like a conscience or something. ]

Panty Anarchy. But go on, I'd love to hear whatever hand-wringing you can come up with.

[ Most people find archery a sophisticated talent. Panty, a gremlin, does not. Of course not. He could mention how he ended like 300 people with a few of his lame arrows but he's not proud. At all. ]

Did you choose that name or was your creator doing that whole self-fulfilling prophecy when they made you?

[ He's ignoring you, dammit. ]

I'll think about it.

[ Will he tho? ]

[ No sympathy for those 300 stiffs, tbh. As far as Panty's concerned, you get shot in the buttcheeks by a pointy stick going marginally faster than a geriatric on a scooter, then that's between you and whatever God(s) you worship. Rest in pepperonis.

You ain't slick, Eros. She sees that subject change. ]

What, the 'Panty' part, or the 'Anarchy' part?

[ Technically they're both appropriate... but Panty being Panty, she's gotta put some sort of narcissistic spin on it. ]

I mean... jealousy is so not a flattering look on you, just saying.

[ Mmm, pepperoni. Wanna do lunch and then see an eggplant?

Listen there are no magenta phallic-shaped vegetables. Work with me here. ]

Both, I guess? It's a weird name.

[ So much for catering to narcissism, although in her headspace he's sure that she's going to take it as "unique" and a compliment. He's a god; he's familiar with that shit. His lips purse at that reach. ]

I'm the literal god of love. I don't think it's in my genetics to be jealous of one of your many lovers. Or your weaponry. Wait. What am I jealous of again?

[ They're going to be good friends. Seriously. ]

[ As long as it's extra spicy, Panty's down for peenza any day of the week. 🍆🍆🍆 ]

It's an accurate name. Maybe I'll show you one day, if you're lucky.

[ Or exceptionally unlucky, depends on how you look at it...
Panty still pulls a face at the whole 'god of love' title like a toddler that's just had a plate of brussels sprouts slapped down in front of them. WHO EVEN BOTHERS WITH LOVE ANYMORE SMH ]

I'll believe it when I see it, bubblegum boy. I mean, what's the point of lovey dovey crap anyway, in a place like this?

[ They're gonna be great friends. With matching bracelets and everything. ]

[ Here's hoping the sinner he's befriending is flexible in more than a few ways. Clearly her mouth is with the grief she's giving him. An eyebrow pitched at the word lucky, as if he's debating the reality of such a thing. ]

I'll correct you, since it was kinda my fault for not being clear enough. God of love and sex. Both of them fall under my domain.

Really, my friends from home keep telling me this place is practically a vacation spot for me.

[ Don't be humble now, Eros. He shrugs a rather broad shoulder. Honestly Eros is built like a tree that needs to be climbed. Okay. Thicccccc. ]

I guess that if someone that wants to be monogamous would prefer to have one partner during the moons...?

Okay, okay, so you're only 50% lame. But that's still lame.

[ They're going to bicker constantly about this, aren't they. Poor Eros deserves better tbh. ]

And miss out on the constant beef buffet just strolling down the streets whenever? Fuck. That. [ Panty, that's really not what monogamy is about-- ] Why settle for one baloney pony when you can just take the entire stable for a ride?

[ PANTY... ]

Listen, there are some people that are finer cuts of meat. Why settle for fried bologna sandwiches when you can have melt in the mouth filet mignon multiple times a night?

[ the fact that he has to resort to food euphemisms feels so dirty. And yet, Eros seems like he's posing an actual argument with this talk. Fucking RIP man. ]

I'm saying this as a socialite that has made it a personal mission to arrange only the best orgies. They're catered with actual buffets to accompany the buffet of hot people. Come on!

[ and yet, he temporarily went ride or die. Sigh. Panty, someone's gonna slam that emotional g-spot one day, just you wait. ]

That's fine and all if hoity toity shit is all you want to eat literally forever. Me, I like to change it up. Y'know, sample a little of everything?

[ And she's like, stupid hungry now thanks to all the food talk, dammit. Thanks, Eros.
Panty's gonna dig her heels in super hard about the ~joys of monogamy and love and puppies and rainbows~ if it's the last thing she does. Big whoop. Some people catch feels left and right like TOTAL LOSERS and that leaves her with plenty of time to sit back and popcorn at all the relationship drama. ]

It's this trendy new fad called 'freedom'??? You probably haven't heard of it.

[ ~~she'll never hop the emotional D. you can't make her.~~ >:T ]

[ He could cook for her if she was better behaved, but this sweet summer child is not going to give out his biscuits for just anybody.

God, she's stubborn. Eros can't stop the dramatic sigh and eye roll. ]

I'm not going to shame you for being promiscuous. That'd be a little hypocritical of me.

[ Pointing at the screen. ]

I just think it's kind of funny you're so opposed to finding yourself a nice guy, or girl, or both for a fun thrupple thing.

I could see you in a thrupple. You seem to be thirsty enough to entertain.

[ Eros go take a nap. ]

[ You dare withhold the biscuits? That's inhumane! Bullying! A war crime! PURE AND UNDILUTED CRUELTY!
C'mon Eros don't you wanna pull the Prisma equivalent of a Netflix n' Chill with cheesy chick flicks and a crap ton of junk food? That's the most sacred of bonding rituals. >:T ]

"Thrupples" are small fry.

[ Even she has no idea what her top score is for orgies. It's likely up there in the double digits. ]

Cool it with the cupid act already, bubblegum boy. I'm not gonna go goo-goo eyed over one dick no matter how nice some loser is.

[ He's not sure that she deserves the most sacred of traditions. Have that as a hot take. He actually sticks his tongue out. What does a tongue look like when the rest of him is pink? Terrifying probably, unless he's part Chow Chow. JFK what am I writing? Anyway. ]

Are you going to tell me you give adequate attention to any "friend" [ Look at this air quote shit he's doing ] when you have more than two at once? At a certain point, you're just picking favorites.

[ While it's not his orgy numbers, Eros has a soft spot for piling four to five bodies in his bed. It's all about balance, Panty. Ohhhhh, he groans. Roman names buttered her biscuit but not the Greek? ]

Listen, I get that people joke around going when in Rome but this is not the case! Eros sounds so much better than Cupid. [ Huff! ] Ugh! I'm going. I need a moment.

[ IS HE REALLY GONNA TRY TO BOUNCE? He's a brat, so yes. Once he's done struggling with his device, honestly how embarrassing. Save him. ]

[ He dares blow a raspberry at her, Panty Anarchy, the most flawless piece of ass to ever grace you Prisma peasants with her heavenly knowledge of sexual wisdom?!?!?!?!
...yeah no she totally deserves it. But she's going to have the most offended look on her face anyway. ]

Not my fault some dicks are more fun to ride than others. [ S h r u g. ] I mean, I was gonna make you an offer, but if you're gonna go flounce then it's whatevs. I'll just find someone else.

[ YEAH WHAT NOW HUH. Bounce at your own peril, kiddo, because she'll totally take that as an unspoken victory. His good name as the patron God of bootycalls will be in question.

But hey, poor Eros can struggle to turn off the device all he wants. Panty will just be here. Grinning. Like an unhelpful asshole. Don't mind her. ]

[ She. Is. Getting. This. Look. ]

Get back to me when you're not using a dragon as a boomerang.

[ So, she wins. But his cred cannot be challenged. ]

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Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

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