prismatica | Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

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Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

WHOSE SHITTY-ASS PET LIZARD IS THIS?!

[ Well jeez, Panty. Nice to see you too.
There's no fanfare in this particular Anarchy-brand PSA, just shrill indignation and a lovely view of the disorganized pink chaos that is Panty's room. Which is fine and all... except for the very small, very feisty dragon curled up on her mattress and expensive af sheets, coiled up like a cobra and hissing in obvious displeasure at having someone invade its nice new nest.
Where did it come from? No idea. Don't care. But she clearly wants it gone. ]

How the hell am I supposed to tap ass if this thing is gonna bite a dude's dick off, huh? Is this a prank? Who DOES that?! What is wrong with you people?

You know what, fuck it. Peel your stupid iguana off the pavement for all I care.

[ And by 'fuck it' she means she'll solve this whole issue in a very practical fashion.
As in lunging forwards, grabbing the very unhappy dragon by the scruff (judging from the puffs of smoke and a few sparks, it's still just a youngster), and straight up yeets the unfortunate beastie straight out the open window. Problem solved, right?
HA HA... well. No.
Unfortunately for Panty, dragons can fly. There's a brief blur of scales sailing right back in like an oversized boomerang, a meaty 'SMACK' of something colliding squarely with her face, and the feed promptly cuts off.

She might have to sleep on the couch for a while. The new tenant isn't going anywhere. ]

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That's the most entertaining thing I've seen all week.

[ Sorry about the schadenfreude, lady, but that was hilarious. ]

Are you alive?

[ It takes a second or two for the video to snap back on, but when it does, Panty's got a lovely red mark on her face and some suspicious scratches to match. She doesn't look terribly happy about having to beat a hasty retreat. ]

Maybe I'll figure out where you live and then you can deal with this flying shitbag.

[ She's very rude. Gomen. ]

Thanks but I already got plenty of big lizard problems of my own, trust me. You might want to put some antiseptic on those scratches.

I'm afraid you won't be able to make it leave until it lays eggs and then they hatch. There's dragons all over the city behaving like this.

[ Eeeeh, he's lived with Rocket for years, this is almost familiar. ]

[A brief laugh from her, before she's a bit more composed.]

That's unfortunate for you, Miss.

Eggs. The fuck, are you serious?

[ Tbh she'd probably just make a giant omelette out of them but w/e. ]

You'd better be joking.

"Unfortunate" my ass! Some shitpickle planted that little bastard in there on purpose. I just know it.

[Such language!]

I don't know, I've heard they're just sort of showing up where ever they want?

[ Meanwhile, all the way from the Kingdom of Lystellus, Cloud is at his lodging on a brief getaway when he decides to peruse the network. Idle things. Like expecting to see how everyone else is handling their new connection with their draconic neighbours. What he wasn't expecting to see or hear was his ears getting blared out when a familiar username catches his eye. It's been a couple of months, but...

He flinches as his device's speaker gets stress tested by her shrill pissing and moaning. If Weiss heard that too, he wouldn't blame her. But... Sheesh. Staring, eyes wide and mouth agape, the little visitor to their apartment is second place to the fact that...well.

Holy shit she's back. ]

[ We'll return to our scheduled programming of sass and deadpan banter after these messages. First...he's actually gotta make sure. So with the line open, he calls. And if she answers at any point, ]

Panty?

Well I want it to fuck off somewhere else!

Maybe if I just toss it out and close the window really fast...

What?!

[ Yep, that's Panty all right. Sounding much more distracted than usual and a bit out of breath, but she's got her device pinned between her shoulder and ear while she makes a second attempt at dragon wrangling. ]

OW! You little fuckstick! Keep that spark crap to yourself or else--

[ It's... not going that well. ]

That might work?

I wish you luck with your attempt then, Miss.

[ Cringe. ... luckily he knows it ain't directed at him. But even just hearing her muttering and attempting to wrangle the juvenile dragon in was just...

...it's stupid. But it's her. His damned soft spot she somehow got from him. The only reason he knows that this is the one that he knows was, save for the username, the room that he saw. Save for tidying some things up, he left it alone. No one else moved in, nor did he move away.

He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Seems this was gonna be a mainstay across Lunatia. ]

Look. Just. Keep the window open and...crash my room if you've gotta.

I'll deal with it when I get back.

[ ...unless one took roost in HIS bedroom after he left. ]

Look at this thing! It's so... smug.

[ Well actually it just looks angry, but... ]

Who the hell does it think it is?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EXPENSIVE THAT FOUNDATION WAS--

[ Welp. Never let it be said Panty isn't incredibly bullheaded about the stupidest things. Between her natural stubbornness and how territorial she gets about her belongings/home in general, it should come as no surprise that a voice of reason isn't going to change her mind in the slightest.

She'll give up eventually. It'll just take a while. ]

Like lookin' in a mirror...

[ He would! But he's calling. And a completely different land away. ]

Now you're worried about damages? [ ...give him a sec. And, ] Oh you meant- whatever.

[ There's not much he can do from all the way over here, save for provide commentary. Maybe he should call her later tonight when he and Weiss have settled in. But for now, it's starting to set in that this world just brought her back. It's...weird to think of it in such a way. But it's true.

It's his Panty. The apartment just got a whole lot louder again. ]

Guessing you just woke up. [ On this planet again. ]

[ RUDE. Lucky for him, she's only half-listening to the conversation considering she's got the dragon successfully pinned by the neck with one hand and plans to keep it that way. ]

Yeah. Like an hour ago.

[ There's a faint hissing noise, a sharp 'WHACK', and... dammit, she lost her grip again. Who knew getting whipped in the ass by a cranky dragon tail would hurt so much?
Apparently deciding she's had enough for the time being, Panty scootaloos out into the hallway instead, slamming the door behind her as she goes. ]

Jesus, I take a nap for a couple days and everything's gone to shit. You losers can't get anything done without me.

[ Oops. Guess who has no idea how much time has passed? ]

You've...been out for a lot more than a couple days.

[ He'll just come right out and say it. At least the door slamming in his receiver tells him she's decided to take a breather from dragon wrangling. He leans back in his seat, crossing his free arm under his chest. ]

Couple days, a week, same difference.

[ As usual, she's not treating her disappearance very seriously at all. To her, she had a nap (and the weirdest nightmare where the mattress ate her or something), woke up, and it's business as usual. Minus the cranky critter infestation, anyway. ]

Where did you fuck off to?

Months, Panty.

[ He pauses after that. He still doesn't know how it felt for her to suddenly vanish without a trace, but the feeling on his end never left. Just when he'd succeeded in saving someone, they were taken with the proverbial snap of a finger. But it's clear he needs to give her a tl;dr rundown. If she asks. But right now, he'll answer her first. ]

Lystellus. The project opening Lunatia up with their Kingdom just finished, so I'm taking a little vacation.

[ A beat. Two. Three beats. ]

That'll explain the new guests.

Don't be so dramatic, golden boy.

[ "Months"? Bullllllllshit. She'd totally notice if she was gone that long!
R-right?

Panty makes a face on her end, shifting her device back to her wrist so she can flip through missed messages while they talk. There's more than she thought there'd be. Most of them are just bootycalls or vibe checks, but... ]

Huh. So we get a new playground, but the pests get way bigger? That's a crappy trade-off.

Don't believe me? Check your calendar.

[ As for these "pests"... ]

At least they're not like the dragons I know back home.

Tch.

[ MAYBE SHE WILL. After scrolling to the very bottom of her inbox, anyway. The three oldest texts are from him.
Huh. Weird. ]

Dragons schmagons. We just gotta get some giant-ass flyswatters and an industrial can of RAID or something.

[ And just casually opening those messages... ]

[ CLOUDYWOLF: where are you?
CLOUDYWOLF: Panty you okay?
CLOUDYWOLF: Hey Panty

Well, she doesn't need to check her calendar with the "Sent 2 months ago" timestamp staring her right in the face from those messages. Panty's not really sure what to make of that. There's a long stretch of silence while she processes what the hell happened. ]

...shit.

It really was that long?

[ Cloud doesn't realize she's scrolling through her inbox at the time. But he waits patiently before he's about to say something else. ...though it's unusual for Panty to be this quiet for this long. So just when he's beginning to wonder or consider speaking up, she confirms it for him. ]

Yeah.

At first I thought you'd come back after a few days, like what happened to Weiss. But...

Well that's just fucked up.

[ Granted, Panty was in pretty rough shape at the time, but would that have any bearing on why or how long she disappeared? Who knows.

Better question: ]

Sooooo... why's all my stuff still here? You could've just got another roommate after the first month.

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Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

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