un: coolguy

[soupervillain]

CALLING ALL VILLAINS, EVILDOERS, AND GENERAL BAD GUYS!!!

GOOD GUYS DO NOT READ THIS!!!

(that means you)
Okay, now that that's out of the way! I'm Giovanni Potage, captain of the Banzai Blasters. (Please hold all autograph requests until we meet in person.) Any fellow bad guys want to team up and commit some crimes sometime? My knife-bat hand's getting kinda itchy, if you know what I mean. Know any good museums to rob? Shops to lift? Parks to litter in? Say the word!!

- Giovanni Potage
Captain of the Banzai Blasters

Comments

un: robotman

[evilgrows]

You do know "do not read this" is an open invitation for anyone and everyone to read this, right?

[soupervillain]

Ah, you know that and I know that, my friend, but the good guys don't! They have to follow any rules you give 'em. I'm pretty sure it's, like, the law.

[evilgrows]

It's not.

Generally people who consider themselves "good guys" also don't particularly care about rules. Surprise!

[soupervillain]

What? No no no, dude, I respect your opinion, but I'm pretty sure you're wrong about this one. If good guys didn't have to follow the rules, what would make them different from bad guys?

[evilgrows]

Hey, look at that! You've discovered the secret of the universe.

[soupervillain]

That's dumb!!! Then why do they have cops and stuff?? Just so they can arrest us hardworking villains while they get away with the same crap??

[evilgrows]

Always have to keep up the illusion of the dichotomy, didn't you know? Hamper scientific progress, call it good, the works.

[soupervillain]

Yeah, I totally getcha. Good guys, right? Hey, so are you some kind of mad scientist?? Does that username mean you make robots? Or are you a robot? Or are you a robot who makes other robots??? Because all of those would be rad.

[evilgrows]

I'm a completely reasonable scientist, actually.

But yes, I do make robots. It's been something getting everything to work correctly here, but I think I'm getting back into the swing of things.

[soupervillain]

Hmm. A sane scientist, huh? Not a niche that gets filled every day in most bad guy circles. I'll take it!!!

[ take what...? ]

Can I get a robot if I ask nicely???

[evilgrows]

Who says I'm in bad guy circles, eh? Maybe I'm just in my own circle and decided this would be a nice waste of time.

And you can get a robot if you pay me.

[soupervillain]

Well, you're in bad guy circles now, because you're friends with me!!! Nice to meetcha. I'm Giovanni, but my minions call me Boss. And you are?

...Mmm, okay, little low on the ol' Chroma at the moment. Do you accept hugs or sufficiently lengthy handshakes?

[evilgrows]

Dr. Robotnik. I don't have friends.

[Totally what a not-bad-guy would say. Sorry to the few people who consider themselves his friends.]

I prefer not to. And even if I did, my machines are worth so much more than a simple hug.

[soupervillain]

You don't have friends?? Like, ANY friends??? That's so sad!!! Stick with me, dude, you'll have friends out the ears in no time. Not to brag, but I'm pretty popular with certain people out there.

[ The certain people consist of his minions. There are seven of them. ]

That's cool, I get it. Not everyone's the touchy-feely type. But I'm gonna save up, then!!! And I'm gonna buy the coolest robot you got!! I hope it can shoot laser beams out its eyes, and maybe also do laundry. Doing my own sucks.

[evilgrows]

No. I don't WANT or NEED friends. It's different. Trust me, that's the least of my problems.

[The fact that he's been accumulating acquaintances means nothing!]

Custom jobs will cost you extra. Lasers are always a fine standard option, though.

[soupervillain]

Aren't you LONELY???

[ Robot customization options, while extremely cool, can wait. Giovanni's got a man's social life to save!! ]

[evilgrows]

No??? Why would I be lonely?

[Apart from a number of potential reasons that do not actually exist--]

I'm perfectly fine, trust me.

[soupervillain]

Well, if you say so, buddy. But hey, if you ever wanna hang out, you know where to find me! ;)

[evilgrows]

I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

[He won't.]

I'll just follow the big neon signs to your secret lair.

[soupervillain]

Exactly!!! I mean, I think you might be a little confused about the "secret" part, but you got the spirit!!

[ He says without a trace of irony. ]

[evilgrows]

Never mind.

I'll make a note of that.

[soupervillain]

See you there!!