un: coolguy

[soupervillain]

CALLING ALL VILLAINS, EVILDOERS, AND GENERAL BAD GUYS!!!

GOOD GUYS DO NOT READ THIS!!!

(that means you)
Okay, now that that's out of the way! I'm Giovanni Potage, captain of the Banzai Blasters. (Please hold all autograph requests until we meet in person.) Any fellow bad guys want to team up and commit some crimes sometime? My knife-bat hand's getting kinda itchy, if you know what I mean. Know any good museums to rob? Shops to lift? Parks to litter in? Say the word!!

- Giovanni Potage
Captain of the Banzai Blasters

Comments

un: robotman

[evilgrows]

You do know "do not read this" is an open invitation for anyone and everyone to read this, right?

[soupervillain]

Ah, you know that and I know that, my friend, but the good guys don't! They have to follow any rules you give 'em. I'm pretty sure it's, like, the law.

text — un: dontannoyme

[pushpin]

get a load of this tryhard

[soupervillain]

That's right!! I do try hard!!! How else am I gonna be the best supervillain I can be, huh???

text: un: sousuke

[shrugsitoff]

u cant b srs

[soupervillain]

I can be srs, and I am!!! The most srs!!!

text un: zeppeli

[casaposa]

Is this some kind of joke? You can't be this foolish.

[soupervillain]

Shows what you know!!! I would never joke about something like this!! Crime is deadly serious!! Except... hopefully not the deadly part. Free life advice: dying is bad.

text; un: lucio

[poopio]

This does seem to be quite an interesting way to pass your hours here.
Is this an open invitation to attend the proceedings of the "Banzai Blasters"?

[soupervillain]

SURE IS, buddy!!! Except... we don't really have any proceedings right now, 'cause I'm kind of the only one in this world. That I know of. You haven't seen any guys in snazzy yellow uniforms around, have you?

text | un: guerrillalove

[sendinthedelta]

inconspicuous u r not, sir
try again

[soupervillain]

Duhhh, of course I'm not!! Who ever heard of an inconspicuous supervillain???

un: T.leaf

[bolderfell]

[This is the funniest thing he's ever scanned with his eyeballs.]

Afraid I don't know what you mean by 'knife-bat hand.' Should I?

[soupervillain]

[ He aims to please! Well, mostly he aims to make some new bad guy friends, but if he made someone laugh in the process, he's okay with that. ]

Oh, that's okay! I wouldn't expect you to, seeing as the knife-bat is a weapon of my own invention. BEHOLD!!!

[ He attaches a mildly blurry photo of what appears to be a regular baseball bat with a knife taped to it. ]

Feast your unworthy eyes upon the Soul Slugger Doom Bat of Maximum Destruction!!! My knife-bat hand is what I use to wield this baby! Well, technically, I use both hands, because that's how you hold a bat, but it sounds better this way, okay?!

un: mkmtr

[inordertobelieve]

You will be reported to law enforcement.

[soupervillain]

Wait, WHAT??? Are you a good guy?? I specifically said not to read this post!!

[ Man, that robotman guy was right! If you can't trust good guys to obey the rules, who even can you trust? ]

Plus I didn't actually do any crimes in this world yet!! So you and your cop buddies got nothing on me!! So there!!!!

un: w

[kekw]

[ Oh wow this guy got balls. She likes it. ]

Oh, I used to do this a lot. The things that I did were on a much bigger scale than things you mentioned though.

[soupervillain]

Oh man, yeah??? What kinda stuff did you pull off?? We gotta swap notes!!!

un: otoproxy

[ends]

so ... are you part of the distraction team for the real supervillain plot?

the bait?

[ because that, he could at least comprehend. ]

needs work...

[soupervillain]

NO!!!! I am the real supervillain!!! Or I will be once I conquer a little more of the world!!! Giovanni Potage baits for no one!!!

un: leopardprint

[greatestcool]

[Oh my god this is the most hilarious thing he's ever seen.]

You certainly know how to make an entrance! But I kinda feel like littering shouldn't really be on your list there... Is everyone who litters a bad guy?

[soupervillain]

Thank you!! At least SOMEONE around here knows how to appreciate true villainy.

Well, littering's a crime most places, and crime is illegal, and people who do illegal things are bad guys!!! So... yes?

Text | un: Star-Lord

[spacedisaster]

There's truly never a boring day on this planet.

Ey buddy, I'm pretty sure good guys can and will see this regardless.

[soupervillain]

NOW you tell me!!! Did you know there's one already here? On this very post!!! The NERVE of these good guys, ignoring a very clear keep-out message!!! I put it in big text and everything!!

video | UN: cooledition

[force_a_change]

[Just... unending teenaged girl laughing.]

video

[soupervillain]

[ A slightly scruffy older teenager comes into view on screen. He is wearing a yellow uniform and a stupid cape. ]

Hey, you've got a pretty good villain laugh, kid! Here to apply for the Banzai Blasters? Because you're like halfway to qualifying already!

text; un: magicowl

[getting_better]

[ Take everything with grains of salt when surfing the internet because for every one honest post, there are ten trolls. ]

Totes down to do things that make people frown. But those suggestions are boring, kinda tame. Like on a "scale of one to ten it's so low it's not even worth mentioning" levels of tame. You know what'd be fun? Harass the Moon Knights. Think about it. No one will expect it, not even the Knights themselves, so you'll catch them off guard.

[ What Bishop decided to be today has yet to be seen. ]

[soupervillain]

You want me to bug the cops?! Are you crazy?? I mean, yeah, I guess that would be a reasonably evil thing to do, but I'm pretty sure the whole point of being a bad guy is to AVOID any cop-related interactions!!

text; anonymous

[holocast]

And people would say the group I led lacked subtlety. Although I can appreciate the candor, if nothing else.

Mind if I ask what, precisely, your end goal is? Or is it just crime for the sake of it?

[soupervillain]

You another bad guy boss?? No way, small world!! Did you really run your entire group? That's even higher level than I am!!!

[ Like. By a lot. But they don't need to get into that. ]

Oh, yeah, no, that's a reasonable question. My goal is to make the world a better place for villains everywhere!! Especially minions!!! Did you know there are some bad guys who treat their minions like they're disposable?! It's TERRIBLE!!! When I'm in charge, they'll get the respect they deserve!!

text ; [un:petal]

[detao]

You're only interested in petty crime?

[soupervillain]

Only if you consider stealing priceless artifacts to be "petty"!! Because if you do, then... yeah, I guess I am only interested in that. Well, that and greater societal change!!!

text; un: floyd3

[strangulare]

this is like...
one of the laaamest posts i've seen so far
how would u even know if the person replying is good or bad??? lol
think about it

[soupervillain]

YOU'RE one of the lamest posts!!!!

And they'd say so, duh!!! A good guy probably wouldn't even be interested in the part about doing crimes anyway!!!

un: supersadistmaster

[firstsaderesponder]

so i'm a good guy but i'm also a sadist

[Yeah, check that username. He read the message anyways because, like everyone else here, he's not taking Giovanni seriously at all.]

so i have some good ideas. like you should rob all stores of mayonnaise

[soupervillain]

A good guy who's into stealing?? Huh, that's a first. But I'm down with it!!! You're bridging boundaries, my friend!! Just... don't tell the cops about my evil plans, okay??

Ooh, a grand mayonnaise heist!! I like it!! No one will be able to make tuna sandwiches for WEEKS!!! But, uh, can I ask why mayo specifically?

Text - UN: pumpaction

[angelshot]

steal from any of my favourite clothing line stores and ill kick your ass.

...unless youre planning to share for free. then were cool.

[soupervillain]

I'll share if you help me out with the heist!! Fair's fair, right??

text; un: no

[terribletwos]

you realize if you make a post like this, everyone is going to read it, right/

[ Not that this guy sounds remotely like an actual threat. ]

[soupervillain]

APPARENTLY!!!! You'd think people would have the courtesy to respect a clearly worded KEEP OUT message!!!