un: coolguy

[soupervillain]

CALLING ALL VILLAINS, EVILDOERS, AND GENERAL BAD GUYS!!!

GOOD GUYS DO NOT READ THIS!!!

(that means you)
Okay, now that that's out of the way! I'm Giovanni Potage, captain of the Banzai Blasters. (Please hold all autograph requests until we meet in person.) Any fellow bad guys want to team up and commit some crimes sometime? My knife-bat hand's getting kinda itchy, if you know what I mean. Know any good museums to rob? Shops to lift? Parks to litter in? Say the word!!

- Giovanni Potage
Captain of the Banzai Blasters

Comments

[soupervillain]

APPARENTLY!!!! You'd think people would have the courtesy to respect a clearly worded KEEP OUT message!!!

[terribletwos]

it's kind of like painting a big target on yourself.

[soupervillain]

Think I could paint the opposite of a target on myself? What's something that's like a target, but makes people aim away from you instead?

[terribletwos]

i don't think that exists. not unless there's something they'd need to shoot more.

[soupervillain]

Ah-HA!! You're a genius!! I'll just point those good guy types toward someone who's not me!!! I heard there's villains around here who hurt or even KILL people!!! Why don't the cops go after THEM instead?!

[terribletwos]

won't those worse guys just hold it against you later/

[soupervillain]

Let 'em!!! I've taken on worse!! Giovanni Potage possesses powers beyond mortal understanding, if that mortal happens not to know what soup is!!!

[terribletwos]

what's soup have to do with anything/

[ Luckily, Roxas has long learned of soup since arriving here and won't have to ask his usual questions. ]

[soupervillain]

It's my epithet!!

[ that answers literally everything ]

[terribletwos]

your what/ what does that even mean/

[soupervillain]

An epithet is a word inscribed on your soul that gives you special powers!! My epithet is Soup!! So I have the power of soup!!! Easy, right??

[terribletwos]

[ A word inscribed on the soul? Is that like an affinity? Like his connection to light? ]

what does the power of soup do/

[soupervillain]

[ Not too far off, tbh! ]

Pretty much exactly what it sounds like!! It lets me control soup!! I can produce it from my body and use it for all manner of purposes offensive, defensive, and delicious!! There's a surprising amount of ways you can attack people with soup, for the record.

[terribletwos]

i guess if it's hot enough.

that's one weird power.

[ How does one even get the power of soup? ]

[soupervillain]

[ Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's... no, yeah, he was born with it. ]

TECHNICALLY, since every epithet is unique, you could say they're all weird powers!! Okay, fine, you might not EXPECT an epithet like mine to be used in combat situations, but that just makes it all the more dangerous!!

[terribletwos]

is it like endless soup that you can shoot at people/

[soupervillain]

I wish it was endless!! Nah, if I make too much of it at once, I get real tired. But the shooting it at people part is totally accurate!! I can also superheat my body, and use steam as a smokescreen, and

Wait a second!! I'm not gonna give away all my powers that easily!! You'll just have to fight me and find them out!!!

[terribletwos]

didn't you just give a whole bunch of information away just now/

[soupervillain]

That was just a teaser!! A mere taste of my TRUE power!!!

[ yes. Yes he did. ]

[terribletwos]

i am kind of curious to see how it works. it sounds really messy though.

[soupervillain]

It is incredibly messy!!! But it's worth it!! Wanna spar sometime?? Then you'll get to see and taste my soup in its full HD glory!!

[terribletwos]

yeah, i'll spar with you.

[ He's got his reflect spell after all. ]