un: coolguy

[soupervillain]

CALLING ALL VILLAINS, EVILDOERS, AND GENERAL BAD GUYS!!!

GOOD GUYS DO NOT READ THIS!!!

(that means you)
Okay, now that that's out of the way! I'm Giovanni Potage, captain of the Banzai Blasters. (Please hold all autograph requests until we meet in person.) Any fellow bad guys want to team up and commit some crimes sometime? My knife-bat hand's getting kinda itchy, if you know what I mean. Know any good museums to rob? Shops to lift? Parks to litter in? Say the word!!

- Giovanni Potage
Captain of the Banzai Blasters

Comments

un: leopardprint

[greatestcool]

[Oh my god this is the most hilarious thing he's ever seen.]

You certainly know how to make an entrance! But I kinda feel like littering shouldn't really be on your list there... Is everyone who litters a bad guy?

[soupervillain]

Thank you!! At least SOMEONE around here knows how to appreciate true villainy.

Well, littering's a crime most places, and crime is illegal, and people who do illegal things are bad guys!!! So... yes?

[greatestcool]

Oh, I see! So you consider "villainy" to be "any acts that break the law", right?

[soupervillain]

PRETTY MUCH!!

[greatestcool]

Do you consider all villains equal, then? Someone who litters verses say... someone who kills people?

[oh my god i'm sorry giovanni probably doesn't deserve this]

[soupervillain]

Okay, no!!! There's being a villain, and then there's just being a JERK!!! And killing people is 100% the second one!! Maybe MORE!!!!

[ it's not what he deserves but it's what he gets ]

[greatestcool]

I kinda thought villains are jerks? But I guess there are all types of villains!

[this is the dumbest thing he's ever found funny, bless.]

So what kind of villainous things do you do?

[soupervillain]

Yeah, there's some out there that really don't pay attention to people's feelings. But not THIS villain, baby!!! Giovanni Potage upholds the ideals of the Banzai Blasters, or what I'm pretty sure are the ideals of the Banzai Blasters, anyway. Never really got an official mission statement. But the way I see it, hurting people: bad. Killing people: extra super bad don't do it.

And I steal stuff!!! I robbed a museum of its PRICELESS ARTIFACTS!!! Well. One artifact. But 1 times priceless still equals priceless!!!!

[greatestcool]

[Hmm, first part sounds fake, but like, in an entertaining way. But that second part!!]

Oh wow, I thought you were some kind of criminal mastermind, but a thief! That's so cool! What priceless artifact did you steal?

[soupervillain]

I'm BOTH, baby!!! I masterminded the heist, and then I carried it out!! With the help of my faithful minions, of course. I even recruited a new minion in the process!! That's just how good I am!!!

Oh, this old thing? Just a NECKLACE THAT STEALS EPITHETS!!! Pretty cool, right??? And I've even used it, so I know it works for real!! I'm turning it in to the higher-ups as soon as I get back home. This baby'll net me a promotion for sure. Maybe TWO!!!

[greatestcool]

Oh wow, congrats! That sounds like a super cool heist! But what do you mean by "steals epithets"? That also sounds cool, but I'm not really sure I follow.

[soupervillain]

Thanks!! And man, I keep forgetting all you guys are from epithet-less worlds!! Okay, basically an epithet is like a special power. Like, my epithet is Soup, so I can control soup!! And with this necklace, you can take anyone else's epithet and use it as your own!!! I haven't tried it here yet, so I don't know if it works on powers from other worlds. You got powers, or are you a mundie?