un: coolguy

[soupervillain]

CALLING ALL VILLAINS, EVILDOERS, AND GENERAL BAD GUYS!!!

GOOD GUYS DO NOT READ THIS!!!

(that means you)
Okay, now that that's out of the way! I'm Giovanni Potage, captain of the Banzai Blasters. (Please hold all autograph requests until we meet in person.) Any fellow bad guys want to team up and commit some crimes sometime? My knife-bat hand's getting kinda itchy, if you know what I mean. Know any good museums to rob? Shops to lift? Parks to litter in? Say the word!!

- Giovanni Potage
Captain of the Banzai Blasters

Comments

[soupervillain]

Duhhh, of course I'm not!! Who ever heard of an inconspicuous supervillain???

[sendinthedelta]

wat like a comicbook villain?

[soupervillain]

YES!!! Exactly!! Except REAL!!! Superpowers and everything. Go ahead, be amazed!!

[sendinthedelta]

im really not amazed at all

[soupervillain]

Then you gotta try HARDER!!!

[sendinthedelta]

nah man real villains dont announce themselves
theyre the guys in ur own ranks that turn on u the second its more profitable to do so
the giant corps that put on the face of 'for the greater good' then raze an entire town bc it got infected by their experiments
govts that put their boot on the necks of the poor and weak

ur not impressive ur like
a cartoon
that aint scary

[soupervillain]

Okay, yeah, those kind of guys all sound... really evil. But like. BAD evil!!! Picking on people who are already down doesn't make you a good villain!!! It just makes you a JERK!!!

I'll show you!!! When this world is ruled by GIOVANNI POTAGE, you're sure not getting a cut of it!!!

[sendinthedelta]

well ur not wrong there

dunno how well thats gonna go here tho
they didnt even let the pretty guy boy band cult get that much traction

[soupervillain]

Yeah, okay, fair point. Those guys did kinda crash and burn. But you don't know for sure until you try, right?? And Giovanni Potage always tries his best!!! So I'm gonna do my best to conquer this world, and if I fail... I dunno, maybe I'll start teaching a knitting class or something. But I'm gonna try!!!

[sendinthedelta]

i feel like teaching would b a better use of ur time but ok man good luck i guess

also what would u do different if u did take over
gotta see if ur a super villain i would vote for

[soupervillain]

Then maybe I'll teach the class first and conquer the world after!!! Gotta get a little extra Chroma in the ol pockets, right?? Supervillainy can get expensive, you know!!

And I'd use my regime to make the world safe for villains everywhere!! ESPECIALLY minions!!! Too long have they been trodden upon by the boot of people who don't care about minions!!! It's time for JUSTICE!!!!

[sendinthedelta]

wait what qualifies a minion anyway
like is a mercenary a minion or just hired help

[soupervillain]

GOOD QUESTION!! The way I see it, a minion is a villain who's subordinate to another villain!! Take me, for example. I'm a Banzai Captain, so I have my own minions, but I'd still be considered a minion by the next higher rank, a Banzai Vice Principal!! So I guess a mercenary would count, as long as they were working for someone?? :|a

[sendinthedelta]

last groups i worked for basically did all the shit i already said and the last one nearly got me killed along with everyone else so im not rly looking to jump on the merc bandwagon again anytime soon but yeah most mercs want to be employed and paid

[soupervillain]

I respect your decision!! But hey, if you're ever looking for a less terrible bad guy group to join, you know where to find us!!

[sendinthedelta]

im p sure my partner would suplex me thru a floor if i went that route after fighting so hard to get away from umbrella

but i guess if i ever get tired of being nice sure

[soupervillain]

...Umbrella?

No offense, but that's the lamest name for a bad guy group I ever heard.

[sendinthedelta]

none taken but i mean how else is something going to fly under the radar
its not like they can name their pharmaceutical company "we make monsters in our spare time inc"
no one would buy from them
or trust them
that was the whole point they werent evil because they said they were evil they were evil because they duped the entire fucking world into thinking they were helping people

[soupervillain]

That's just sneaky, is what it is!! An HONORABLE bad guy group would announce its evil intentions!! Loudly!! At every opportunity!!! Sounds like you got stuck with one that SUCKED!!!

(Also, side note, I would definitely buy from a company called "we make monsters in our spare time inc".)

[sendinthedelta]

p sure no one at the top knew what honor was
i may not want to be evil myself but if i ever meet someone who was running that shit show i'm gonna turn the geneva convention into a TO DO list

(international laws against inhumane treatment esp during war time, if you didnt know)