un: coolguy

[soupervillain]

CALLING ALL VILLAINS, EVILDOERS, AND GENERAL BAD GUYS!!!

GOOD GUYS DO NOT READ THIS!!!

(that means you)
Okay, now that that's out of the way! I'm Giovanni Potage, captain of the Banzai Blasters. (Please hold all autograph requests until we meet in person.) Any fellow bad guys want to team up and commit some crimes sometime? My knife-bat hand's getting kinda itchy, if you know what I mean. Know any good museums to rob? Shops to lift? Parks to litter in? Say the word!!

- Giovanni Potage
Captain of the Banzai Blasters

Comments

un: T.leaf

[bolderfell]

[This is the funniest thing he's ever scanned with his eyeballs.]

Afraid I don't know what you mean by 'knife-bat hand.' Should I?

[soupervillain]

[ He aims to please! Well, mostly he aims to make some new bad guy friends, but if he made someone laugh in the process, he's okay with that. ]

Oh, that's okay! I wouldn't expect you to, seeing as the knife-bat is a weapon of my own invention. BEHOLD!!!

[ He attaches a mildly blurry photo of what appears to be a regular baseball bat with a knife taped to it. ]

Feast your unworthy eyes upon the Soul Slugger Doom Bat of Maximum Destruction!!! My knife-bat hand is what I use to wield this baby! Well, technically, I use both hands, because that's how you hold a bat, but it sounds better this way, okay?!

[bolderfell]

So it's a kind of club. I was imagining the animal - though I guess there's no guarantee we're all familiar with the same wildlife. You familiar with bats? Big ears, wings, faces only a mother could love?

I was wondering if you had some kind of bat made of knives. And if it had replaced one of your hands.

[You know, for some metal as heck supervillain aesthetic.]

[soupervillain]

EXCUSE ME

THAT'S THE COOLEST IMAGE EVER???

Are you already affiliated with a bad guy group?? Because if not, I'm recruiting you as my minion, effective immediately!!! You would be an amazing PR guy for the Banzai Blasters! Just go around telling everyone we've replaced our hands with knives and wild animals!!!

[bolderfell]

Sorry, but I prefer to work alone. Surely a wrongdoer of your caliber understands. I have my own image to maintain.

[soupervillain]

Oh, absolutely, say no more. The whole lone wolf thing, right? I respect that, although between you and me, I totally couldn't pull it off. I need my minions by my side if I'm gonna become the world's greatest supervillain!!!

...It would help if any of them were actually in this world, though. So hey, if you know anybody else who's looking for a bad guy boss, do me a solid and point them my way?

[bolderfell]

Guess I could keep an eye out for people with the right tools and disposition. What's your main line? Burglary, right?

[soupervillain]

Man, you're good!! Yeah, I don't mean to brag, but I've been known to dabble in the art of stealery. I'm down for pretty much any kinda crime, though!! Just nothing that'll hurt people. I'm evil, not a jerk, you know??

[bolderfell]

[...]

Sure. I get it. [He does Not.] You do know theft isn't typically a victimless crime, though. Right?

[soupervillain]

It is if you're just stealing from the Man!!

[bolderfell]

Which man is that?

[soupervillain]

You know.... the MAN! The establishment!! The people in charge!!! They don't count!!!

[bolderfell]

Is Man the name of some kingdom or am I missing something?

[soupervillain]

No!!! It's just a word for anyone in authority!! Don't tell me, you're from one of those old-timey worlds or something.

[bolderfell]

'Old-timey' compared to what.

[soupervillain]

You know, do you have, like, cars, or video games?? Do you have BASEBALL??? Please tell me your world has baseball!!!

[bolderfell]

[...]

It could. Somewhere.

[What is a base ball.]

[soupervillain]

Oh my god, dude, you're missing out. I have GOT to introduce you to the best sport!!! In any world. Trust me on this one.

[bolderfell]

I don't know much about sport to start with. Do they have this baseball here?

[soupervillain]

They BETTER!!! Or else I take back everything I said about this world being awesome. Sure, it let me finally achieve my dream of becoming a majestic wolf, but what's the point if I'm a wolf that can't play baseball!!!

But if baseball doesn't exist in this world, then I'll INVENT it!! And then you can bring it back to your world, and we'll spread it throughout the multiverse!!!

[bolderfell]

Okay. If you say so.

When did you turn into a wolf? Sorry: a majestic wolf.

[soupervillain]

I say so!!!

A couple weeks after I got here!! And like every month since then!! At first I thought I got bit by a werewolf without noticing, but it turns out most people here can turn into animals?? LAME. But still rad!!! I've got some real good AWOOOs saved up for next month!!!

[bolderfell]

Oh, right, your moon blessing. Damn. Wish I turned into a wolf. Do you go all the way, or is it just the ears and so on?

[soupervillain]

Ears, tail (it was a HUGE pain having to get new pants), plus my hands and feet go all paw-y and my nose gets cold. And I get really fuzzy!! What do you turn into?? I bet it's almost as cool as a wolf probably!!!

[bolderfell]

I don't know about that. Think it's just a cat, mostly.