text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

[teaserving]

i love you too sorellina

[doreimi]

How would you like it if I started telling you all the stuff I want to do with someone, huh?? What about that???

[teaserving]

i think that'd be more embarrassing for you than it would be for me first of all

[doreimi]

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE

[teaserving]

ok
talk to me about the naughty things you've been up to

[doreimi]

[jeopardy theme]

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

[teaserving]

hahaha
well there it is

[doreimi]

Besides, if I told you then you'd probably just find every guy I've ever talked to and beat them up so they couldn't look twice at me!!

[teaserving]

that's not true i haven't beaten the shit out of rohan yet

[doreimi]

The fact that you even said "yet" at all...

See, that's the other trouble with my scars, though. Every guy I'm with is going to be afraid of hurting me.

[teaserving]

im waiting for a good reason

honestly
a lot of guys are gonna treat you delicately until they know not to with certain shit
it sucks but that's the truth of it
so you gotta be honest with them

[doreimi]

He loves me. That's a good reason not to.

That's just going to make things awfully awkward, though, isn't it? Like, say I want to be pushed around. Even if they try, don't you think they'll be really halfhearted about it?

[teaserving]

then i guess you dont have to worry about it

could be
but thats the kinda thing you gotta talk out
and maybe they arent into it idk

[doreimi]

...

I...now that you mention it, I should really ask what he's into, huh...

[teaserving]

it goes both ways
there was shit that mohammed wouldn't have felt comfortable doing with me for example
anyway. just
communicate a lot

[doreimi]

Like fisting, huh?

Hey, do you think...um. Do you think it's really important for your first time to be something super special, or is it okay if it's just...you know. You did it, and that's that?

[teaserving]

eh he said we'd get to it but you know how it turned out

i think its fine so long as you dont walk away without any regrets
but dont go into it thinking its gonna be magical either
just
be honest with each other
that's the best thing you can do

[doreimi]

To tell you the truth I always kind of figured it'd be me and my boyfriend fooling around in the back of a car or in someone's room at a party, like in the movies or something. Not exactly very creative, I know.

No candlelit romance or anything, but also probably not waiting around to get married first, either.