it was a graveyard smash | anon text

[necroyalty]

I'd like to gauge the feelings of the general populace here on a matter very near and dear to my heart, so please bear with me here. I know that I'm not the only person this affects, so perhaps we ought to have this discussion.

After all, 'tis the season, I suppose; we all got that message a while back about getting our fair share of "Dracula dick."

...

If there's no decomposition or loss of mental faculties, would you still be averse to bedding any manner of undead?

Comments

un: allstar

[meteorman]

I'd be more worried about the effects of undeath on the rest of the body. Even without decomposition, a lack of bloodflow might be an issue.

[necroyalty]

I would think it depends on the specific type of undead. Speaking from personal experience, a vampire can still "perform", so to speak, so long as they've recently fed. Their particular condition goes so far as to even enable them to sire children with a living partner, although they cannot bear them.

It's all unsettling. But the prevailing theory is that it's because the force that animates them is, more than other types of negative energy, a cruel mockery of life. They constantly crave physical symbols of the things they once had when alive. It's why they drink blood; living people are animated by life force, and blood is the physical representation of such.

The type of undead I happen to be, in contrast, does not normally keep their physical forms in the same condition I have. Most of us are content to simply rot until all that remains are bones.

But I am vain, and I am self-conscious, and I still desire the same attachments I had in life. So I keep my body preserved via a series of alchemical enhancements.

Takes a lot of effort, but I'm at least fully sensate, if that's what you're asking.

[meteorman]

That was my concern, yes. Inability to experience arousal in the first place would put a damper on the rest of it.

All that aside I can't imagine ever being in a situation where I'd willingly let my body waste away. 'A lot of effort' feels more than worth it.

[He's not even dead and he still has a daily regimen keep his body in good condition.]

[necroyalty]

As long as the flesh is intact and the undead in question retains some semblance of mind, it remains a possibility. It's just that vampires always seem to have an unfair advantage over the rest of us.

Pricks.

Most liches spend enough time in isolation and care little enough for their physical needs that caring for a body becomes just another inconvenience. They were the sort of scholars who, in life, probably wore the same pajamas for days on end, so I suppose this is just an extension of that.

But as I said. I am vain, and I am proud, and I did not study magic just to become another ghastly pile of rotting meat.

[meteorman]

Finally someone else who doesn't see the allure of vampires. If I wanted to listen to endless hours of bellyaching about how things aren't like they used to be back in the 1700s I'd sit in on Congress.

[Just a little humor from the guy who designed a mind control device for the government.]

I do take offense at the slight against scholars who wear pajamas out and about, on the basis of the fact that I sleep in my clothes. It's more efficient. Have you ever tried to fight for your life in slippers?

[necroyalty]

I knew a man who would sometimes sleep in plate armor; you both at least have the excuse of practicality.

The only vampire I was ever seriously involved with was alive when we first met, and his undeath ended up putting a damper on things.

[meteorman]

I imagine. There's something about vampirism that turns people into blowhards. My general rule is never date a vampire, never date a unicorn. Neither is worth it.

[necroyalty]

Care to explain the bit about unicorns?

I'll let you know that I agree with you, but why would anyone ever consider in the first place?

[meteorman]

I couldn't imagine, but that's only because I've known enough unicorns to find the idea abhorrent. Conniving and selfish, all of them.

[He might be biased.]

[necroyalty]

I've never met a unicorn myself. I did ask my brother if he could procure the blood of one as part of a ritual, but if they're as unpleasant as you say, perhaps I should not have felt so guilty.

[Ambro WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU]

[meteorman]

I imagine they had him running all over the place to prove he was pure of heart enough for the privilege of their plasma. If anything you should feel sorry for your brother.

[necroyalty]

Knowing my brother, perhaps I was a little too harsh on him.

[ Because "pure" and "Caspar" should never be used in the same sentence. ]

[meteorman]

Depending on how he got the blood it may have at least been cathartic.

[He's not necessarily advocating killing unicorns, but maybe, like... punching one hard enough to give it a split lip? Valid.]

[necroyalty]

I didn't ask, and honestly, he's not the type to give out too much information if he deems it unnecessary.