❧ text; un: alucard

[reposing]

Greetings.

I have a request to make and am willing to pay as one sees fit.
I need a coffin to be made with careful specifications. Some requirements would include ensuring that it is made with the intent to last for many years, the interior to be comfortable enough for a man to rest in, and perhaps a few other details depending on your skill set.

Before you ask, yes. It is for me.
Take that as you will.

Comments

[dies]

[ it's the best username ever that's what it is ]

nah sometimes you get a really bad cramp in your leg and you don't have room in there to stretch it around properly it's the worst

[reposing]

I don't really get cramps.
Are you another vampire or something else?

[dies]

oh. you're a vampire. neat. i thought you just really liked the look of coffins and like. same.

i'm a gig worker.

[reposing]

So you got into a coffin because of... aesthetic.

[dies]

i mean

i probably would. i know what i'm about.

but nah. sometimes people just put you in a box and put the box underground and you're like 'sweet, time for a nap' but then your leg cramps up and it's kind of the worst. you know how it is

[reposing]

I
really don't.
People did that to you?

[dies]

wait, does that part not happen when you turn into a vampire? huh.

yeah i mean in their defense that's kind of what everyone does

[reposing]

Most vampires don't bury their own kind. Unless it's a shitty prank, I suppose.

In any case, I was born. Not made.

Why is it something everyone does?

[dies]

whoa.

well i mean the alternative is cremation and that seems like it'd be way worse

[reposing]

You're really not answering my question.

[dies]

oh right. i died. not a great time. but the real problem was the leg cramp.

[reposing]

Are you undead, then?

[dies]

kinda yeah

just a sec lemmie see if I can do this over the network-

[ And alucard's bracelet vibrates a whole lot ]

👻🦇😱💀whooOOOOOoooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOoooo👻🦇😱💀

[reposing]

You're a spectre.

[dies]

sure am. but like. that's not the important part

the important part is that you're really going to regret the coffin choice if you get leg cramp

or if you wake up from a nightmare really fast and hit your head on the lid

they're not really ideal for people who still do moving around even if they look super cool

[reposing]

It would have explained a lot if you just said so to begin with.

It's hardly the first coffin I've ever had, you know.

[dies]

didn't really seem relevant.

if you're sure. just make sure you eat bananas and stay hydrated

[reposing]

I
those don't really
all right.

[dies]

if you're going to sleep in a cramped space you have to eat potassium. You could eat broccoli instead if you want but I think bananas are more vampirey than broccolis

[reposing]

What makes a banana more appropriate for a vampire, exactly.

[dies]

its got a little coffin that it lives in

thats what banana peels are right

fruit coffins

[reposing]

It's more like a skin.

[dies]

its kind of coffin shaped

do you think there's a better vampire fruit or veggie because you're the expert here i guess

[reposing]

Tell me. What does a vampire normally eat?

[dies]

nicotine mostly in my experience