text + embedded video; un: ruffestrabbit; cw: bird poop

[zunge]

When something you uploaded surpasses 250k views in only a week you know it's a real hit.

[At the bottom of that brief post is an embedded PrismaTube video:

Fly-by Bird Poop Dive Bomb
uploaded XXXX-04-04 by ruffestrabbit

[A street somewhat removed from the greatest hustle and bustle of Level 2 is in view. A man with cattle horns walks up on the sidewalk, straightening out his uniform jacket sleeves and adjusting the collar, then flexing and stretching his arms a little and nodding to himself, seemingly pleased with the fit. He stops to light a cigarette. It's at that moment that a bird flies by overhead and drops its load, which lands smack dab on the man's shoulder. He finishes lighting up before glancing over at the bright white wet stain. For a moment he seems frozen in disbelief, then lowers his arms and looks up... only for a second bird-bomb to hit him in the face.]

[The camera shakes slightly while the man stands there like a statue, then he flies into a rage, flinging away the stained cigarette, wiping his face with his sleeve (instantly staining), screaming expletives at the winged perpetrator, and furiously looking around for a projectile. He grabs a potted plant from a vendor's display and hurls it into the air with shocking strength, letting out the most disappointed howl when it misses. He wants to grab another flower pot, but at this point a few people swarm in to hold him back and calm him down. The camera shakes harder, and the video ends on the raging guy being mobbed by heroic bystanders.]

Comments

text; un: supersadistmaster

[firstsaderesponder]

[Sougo wanted to check on PrismaTube for videos of people falling and getting hurt, but...oh, this was so much better than he was expecting. In fact, it's a downright work of art! And it had to be with Hijikata of all people! Utter perfection. Watching it all the way through in the privacy of his room, he had burst out into laughter. He kept watching it multiple times and then proceeded to download the video onto his device. Just a little pick-me-up should he need it.]

this is the GREATEST thing i have ever seen

you know who that guy is?

[zunge]

thanks I had the best luck in catching it when it happened

no fucking clue

[firstsaderesponder]

thank u for your service

[Sougo has no respect for his fellow cop colleagues, but he has all the respect for the guy who recorded a video of Hijikata getting humiliated.]

this guy's my supervisor from back home. you can imagine the shit i have to deal with

[zunge]

anytime

i can only imagine the property damage he gets up to. here he could be a literal bull in a china shop

[firstsaderesponder]

yeah, there would always be newspaper stories back home about the amount of property damage he does around the city. it's terrible

[Never mind that Sougo is the one who leaves destruction in his wake! But Noiz doesn't know that.]

[zunge]

tsk tsk. why do they keep him on the payroll despite that?

[firstsaderesponder]

i dunno. our boss is too nice. tho idk what he sees in this guy

[zunge]

the world may never know

[firstsaderesponder]

yeah he's weak and useless too. smh. some guys have all the luck

[mayoninofukucho]

[Since "supersadistmaster" hijacked his thread with the OP he'll hijack this one in true online comment section anarchy fashion.]

Look here, you probably won't believe me, but this guy is full of shit!! I'm his supervisor for a reason!

[zunge]

not doing a good job of keeping him in line, are you? for shame

[mayoninofukucho]

[This guy..!!]

I'd like to see you do better!! Why don't you take him as your apprentice at whatever the hell you do for a living?! If you make it through one week I'll eat my cravat!

[zunge]

Pay me 1000 chroma an hour to do so. I'm not cheap to hire.

You know cravats went out of style a long time ago right?

[mayoninofukucho]

1000 chroma AN HOUR?! What the hell DO you do?! Don't say "make videos" now!

I AM from a long time ago maybe!!

[Hell if he knows where or when this shitposter comes from. In his case the 35 in his user name denotes his birth year... 1835.]

[zunge]

Freelancer. I set my own rates.

It's the 2040s where I'm from. You?

[The pay rate he mentioned is complete and utter bullshit. He's just being a shit. He did once charge someone 50 chroma to answer a question just to make the guy shut up about it.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[Of course he's a freelancer. Those are the worst.]

1860s.

[zunge]

That's the longest ago I ever heard of around here. Usually it's everyone from the late 20th or early 21st.

[mayoninofukucho]

It's not so bad. We got an alien invasion like 10 years ago, and they brought stuff like mobile phones and the internet.

[Apparently that didn't happen everywhere or in every timeline, and yet people still ended up having those things? Wild.]

[zunge]

That has to be the worst lie anyone ever tried to pawn off on me

[mayoninofukucho]

What?! Why the hell would I lie about that!

[zunge]

to see who'd fall for it?

I know I wouldn't have believed anyone about anthropomorphic countries or animals if I hadn't seen them myself.

[mayoninofukucho]

I don't lie to people just for the hell of it!

[He absolutely will lie if it'll save his neck, though.]

And like those things aren't more far-fetched!

[He says that, but he's already encountered the former and seen the latter around, so he believes in them too.]

[zunge]

You never know with some people.

That's why I brought them up. This place has both here. Several of each.

[mayoninofukucho]

Yeah, I saw. Nothing more weird than the aliens who came to my world, though.

[zunge]

Met them already then?

If these aliens are for real, what are they like?