Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

[angelshot]

WHOSE SHITTY-ASS PET LIZARD IS THIS?!

[ Well jeez, Panty. Nice to see you too.
There's no fanfare in this particular Anarchy-brand PSA, just shrill indignation and a lovely view of the disorganized pink chaos that is Panty's room. Which is fine and all... except for the very small, very feisty dragon curled up on her mattress and expensive af sheets, coiled up like a cobra and hissing in obvious displeasure at having someone invade its nice new nest.
Where did it come from? No idea. Don't care. But she clearly wants it gone. ]

How the hell am I supposed to tap ass if this thing is gonna bite a dude's dick off, huh? Is this a prank? Who DOES that?! What is wrong with you people?

You know what, fuck it. Peel your stupid iguana off the pavement for all I care.

[ And by 'fuck it' she means she'll solve this whole issue in a very practical fashion.
As in lunging forwards, grabbing the very unhappy dragon by the scruff (judging from the puffs of smoke and a few sparks, it's still just a youngster), and straight up yeets the unfortunate beastie straight out the open window. Problem solved, right?
HA HA... well. No.
Unfortunately for Panty, dragons can fly. There's a brief blur of scales sailing right back in like an oversized boomerang, a meaty 'SMACK' of something colliding squarely with her face, and the feed promptly cuts off.

She might have to sleep on the couch for a while. The new tenant isn't going anywhere. ]

Comments

[angelshot]

Ha! Wow, are you unlucky.

[ Panty shifts out of frame for a moment, cracking open the bedroom door she just vacated so he'll get a couple seconds of staring at the noodledragon that's taken up residence in her apartment. There's no evidence of eggs hidden in those python-like coils. Not yet, anyway. ]

Not even close. I think yours needs to go on a diet.

[satanslash]

I mean, not really?

[He turns the camera a bit more, showing a small one story wooden building. There's steam rising from the back of it and through the visible windows chairs around a few large flat-top grills can be seen, some people sitting at one as a chef cooks for them.]

That's my Teppanyaki grill. If I was really unlucky she'd be inside not lettin' me run it, but I guess she decided out here was more comfortable. I'm givin' her scraps and she's not botherin' my customers so I'm okay with it.

[Also, rude, she has eggs, Panty. Don't fat shame a mother!]

[angelshot]

Your priorities are fucked up.

[ She's a rude dude, okay. She's gonna call out anyone and everyone for being a fatty mcfatterson regardless if they deserve it or not.
That's just how Panty do. ]

Uh, yeah, that's totally still a shit fucking deal. You gotta bribe some stupid dragon not to bust up the place like some mafia protection racket.

[satanslash]

How the hell are my priorities fucked up?! You're the one willing to shoot a dragon in the face with a water pistol!

Also it gets rid of my scraps and keeps a dragon happy, it's not anythin' like a protection racket.

[angelshot]

'Cause I'm not gonna let some shitty snake take over my room! What's a little water gonna do, make it explode?

[ Not that spontaneous dragon explosions would stop her tbh... ]

What if you don't feed it for like a week, and it decides to bust in and steal all your shit, huh? That's textbook bribery.

[satanslash]

Lots and lots of tiny bites? Man, I'unno, I just don't see the point in bein' mean to somethin' that probably doesn't even know why it's here! Also the way shit goes around here I'd be surprised if they were still here in a week.

[angelshot]

A week?

[ SCANDALIZED. ]

No way am I sleeping on the couch for a week. That's bullshit! I have rights!

[satanslash]

[Whine more, Panty. It's super attractive.]

Christ, you're actin' like the dragon murdered your dog. Calm down. If you really need a bed that bad you could crash at my place. We have a spare room.

[angelshot]

You haven't seen my dog. That dragon wouldn't do jack shit to him.

[ Just wait until she starts whipping out puns. It makes her truly irresistible. ]

I mean... thanks for the offer, but I prefer my body pillows with a six pack and a sex drive, so I'll pass. Sleeping alone isn't my thing.

[satanslash]

It's a figure of s-- ugh nevermind.

[Make him go weak at the knees, why don't you.]

Last I checked I have a six pack, but my sex drive is reserved for my fiance, so yeah. Good luck, though. [and he's not actually being sarcastic with that!]

[angelshot]

Your loss.

[ Why tie yourself down to just one person? She'll never understand. S m h. ]

[satanslash]

[When you've been through what they've been through, it makes a lot more sense.]

Yeah yeah, I'm the resident weirdo who only wants one girlfriend. Whatever.