prismatica | Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

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Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

WHOSE SHITTY-ASS PET LIZARD IS THIS?!

[ Well jeez, Panty. Nice to see you too.
There's no fanfare in this particular Anarchy-brand PSA, just shrill indignation and a lovely view of the disorganized pink chaos that is Panty's room. Which is fine and all... except for the very small, very feisty dragon curled up on her mattress and expensive af sheets, coiled up like a cobra and hissing in obvious displeasure at having someone invade its nice new nest.
Where did it come from? No idea. Don't care. But she clearly wants it gone. ]

How the hell am I supposed to tap ass if this thing is gonna bite a dude's dick off, huh? Is this a prank? Who DOES that?! What is wrong with you people?

You know what, fuck it. Peel your stupid iguana off the pavement for all I care.

[ And by 'fuck it' she means she'll solve this whole issue in a very practical fashion.
As in lunging forwards, grabbing the very unhappy dragon by the scruff (judging from the puffs of smoke and a few sparks, it's still just a youngster), and straight up yeets the unfortunate beastie straight out the open window. Problem solved, right?
HA HA... well. No.
Unfortunately for Panty, dragons can fly. There's a brief blur of scales sailing right back in like an oversized boomerang, a meaty 'SMACK' of something colliding squarely with her face, and the feed promptly cuts off.

She might have to sleep on the couch for a while. The new tenant isn't going anywhere. ]

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Yup. You've heard the dragon singing and making a ruckus all around the city? it's because it's mating season for them.

[ And given how weird Peter is feeling lately, it's suddenly also mating season for the moonblessed.

Those poor eggs...Panty, no.]

Dude. It's mating season here like, all the goddamn time. No way are they not bumping uglies whenever like everyone else.

[ THAT'S A BULLSHIT EXCUSE, YOU SCALY BASTARDS. ]

They're totally just trying to bully people out of houses like a bunch of assholes.

That's...a fair point. But now it's like they're 10 times hornier. And having kids.

[ If it comfort her any, peter also threw hands with a dragon this morning. He didn't manage to make it go away either. ]

No matter what, they're not leaving so you need to got used to the flying lizard in your house or find another place to crash for a little while.

I'm Peter, by the way, but around the Galaxy, they know me as Star-Lord.

Oh hell no. I'm not running a daycare.

[ Panty isn't exactly what you would call a "kids person" or a "role model" in even the weakest sense of the phrase. ]

Are you fucking kidding me... guess I'll move in with my roommate for a while. What a pain in the ass.

"Around the galaxy", huh. [ Oh no. Peter, sweetie, honeybun, sugarcheeks, no. He's just made a serious mistake and simultaneously given her fodder for a nickname that's absolutely going to stick. ] Well ok then, Star-Nerd.

Feel free to fight the dragon again. And please, record it. We all need a good laugh around here.

[ Neither are the Guardians and they still managed to raise a baby tree, you never know until you try it. ]

That seems like a better idea.

Yes. You know that big, infinite place we're all living in.[ He's got worse from Rocket on a daily basis, to be honest. It's always a hit or miss when he tells people about his nickname.] Wow, I've never heard that one before. You really got me, I think go cry on a corner because you truly hurt my feelings this time. Boohoo.

[ He says all that with a blank face and then raises an eyebrow. ]

You've got a name?

You want to giggle at something, go look in a mirror.

[ Ooooh, snippy. Don't take it personally though! She's just sour over having to butt heads with a dragon every time she needs to grab makeup from her room.

Panty's deadpan stare fractures a little at his sarcasm, just the tiniest upward curve starting to form at the corners of her mouth. Don't get her wrong. He's still going to be remembered as Star Nerd for all eternity if she has anything to say about it... or until she can think up a better alternative. ]

And if I said I didn't? [ Take your best shot, Quill. She's already heard just about every reaction under the sun to a name like "Panty" by this point. ] It's Panty Anarchy. And yes, that's actually my name, so don't bother getting all pearl-clutchy on me.

I'm a riot, I know, It's one of my many talents. I've been pondering about starting my own Video Channel.

[ Nah, it's all good. Peter's is having fun. This sort of snippy banter doesn't get him mad. The reveal of her name almost makes him double take because who in their right mind names their kid that? If it weren't because Panty seems serious, Peter will think she is pulling his leg.

Now, it really would be too easy to get back at her for the teasing about his nickname. But Peter at lest chooses to use that on purpose while it doesn't seem to be the case with her. ]

You...[ He raises a hand to the camera, pointing a finger at the blond woman. ] ...Are no longer allowed to make fun of my nickname. What sort of name is Anarchy?

[ He tries to keep a straight face too but his eyes narrow in a barely repressed smile. ]

Anyway, I'm going to call you Pan.

[ Because there's no way in hell he's calling a girl 'Panty' in public. ]

Space Nerd's Comedy Corner, tonight at 11. I can see it now.

[ If there isn't at least one Uranus joke in his routine she'll be pissed af jussayin.

YO. EXCUSE YOU it's not her fault people here don't stick to clothes themed names! Panty, Stocking, Garterbelt, Briefs, Scanty, Kneesocks, Corset... those are proper names.
Anyway. She's used to the incredulous reactions by now, but she's gotta hand it to him for switching gears so smoothly without tripping over himself. Tenouttaten. Gold star. ] The kind that's memorable, duh. I'm a celebrity back home.

[ ~~for all the wrong reasons but w/e still counts~~
As for the nickname he gives her, Panty sits bolt upright in clear offense. ]

"Pan"? What the fuck dude. That's so lame.

[ SUCK IT UP QUILL. There's furry creeps banging in alleys and he's gonna draw the line at a piece of clothing? B R U H. ]

Great, we already have a name for the show. Now I only need a catchy music intro and most of the work will be done. How good you are at singing?

[ Uranus jokes are a must, that and puns about stars like Space was cool before it mattered. It would be terrible.

Clothes themed names are questionable by default .Is there a person called Thong? Please say yes. But back to the issue at hand, Peter does try on occasion. He's also used to weird things and weird people happening in his life on the regular. ]

Are you, now? [ That raised eyebrow speaks of skepticism. Do share, Panty, he wants to know why. ]

Keep at it and I'll use Goldilocks. Does that sound better? What about Ragamuffin instead? Sweetums? BunBuns Ooooh...Thinkerbell? [ He's going to keep saying more and more cutesy nickname unless she stops him.

A man's gotta have some limits, yo! Let the furries have fun, they're saving the planet. ]

Hey, don't rope me into this! Not unless you've got the cash to pay for it.

[ He might want to find a different singer, honestly. All of Panty & Stocking's concerts inevitably end up with the mosh pit getting out of hand and desperately needing police intervention. As is tradition.

~~If she ever gets a car again she's totally calling it Thong~~ ]

Uh, yeah? Movie star, rockstar, flawless ghost killer? Duh.

[ Like she wasn't busy cruising for the D instead of murdering ghosts like she should've been... Panty pls. ]

How about just using my name, jackass?

Are you saying you don't want to be famous here as well?

[ Peter likes music so if anybody is going to do any singing it will be him. Not like he has an interest in starting a video channel for real. Or any real talent singing.

Those concerts sound a lot of fun, though. She should still give one.

~~Better than naming her first son that, I suppose.~~ ]

Yeah...I've never heard of you so I'm going to take a guess and say we're from different universes. Or timelines. Or planets. Or whatever. There's too many options. How do you kill a ghost? They're already dead. Do you perform exorcisms?

[ Life is all about priorities, uh? ]

Oh so it's Jackass your name now? Okay, that works.

[ This is like a couple of eight years old arguing, congratulation for Unlocking the Sibling Route, Panty. ]

I can be famous without some loser freeloading off my talent.

[ """""Talent"""""". Tbh Panty's kind of overselling herself as a whole package deal. ]

Exorcisms? What the fuck is this, the Amityville Horror? Uh, angel. Duh. You have those wherever you come from, right?

[ Which doesn't explicitly answer his 'how do you kill a ghost when it's already dead' question, but as far as she's concerned a lot of questions can just be answered with 'cuz angel bullshit lol'.
If he asks really nicely, she might even demonstrate! Not that anyone should have to suffer getting flashed with her hideous lacy secrets but w/e w/e. ]

Sure, if you want to catch a couple knuckles in the teeth. Better have a stellar dental plan.

[ GROSS. She already has one bitchy sister, the last thing she needs is some bratty nerd brother. >:T ]

Your loss then. Once I get millions of view and I'm swimming in Chroma, then don't come crying to me that you want a new jacuzzi, a pony or something like that.

[ As if. Peter doesn't have any special talent that isn't getting himself into trouble regularly unless you count his dancing skills. They helped save the universe one, so he's proud of that at least. ]

I've heard of the concept, yes, they're mentioned everywhere in the bibble. [ He gives her a skeptical look because 'angel' is the last thing he would have associated with someone like Panty. ] You don't look like a flaming wheel with hundred of eyes, nor an angelical figure with white wings. I'm pretty sure Angels are supposed to swear less.

[ Oh he will keep asking, against common sense and better judgment because things have just gotten weirder. Also interesting. ]

Do like...flash your angel's magic powers at ghosts and they go POOF! And to the afterlife they return?

Heh. Smartass.

[ Sorry, you can't choose these things they just happen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

Trust me, queefbreath. Getting Chroma is not a problem when you're as fabulous and fuckable as me.

[ That ego tho... the real kicker is she isn't lying. Pre-Majestas shenanigans had her account at obscene amounts of Chroma just from her usual antics.
Panty scrunches her nose a little at his skepticism. ]

Excuse me, who's the real-ass angel here? Sure as shit isn't you. [ RUDE AF FAM. Telling her how she should look and behave? Nah bro. That ain't gonna fly. ] And you're not negging me into showing off my wings, so forget it.

[ And she's not gonna go flashing her panties/gun at him either, because now it's just the principle of the thing. So there. ]

I shoot 'em in the head, they blow up, problem solved. Simple as that.

Well Rainbow Brite, they do say confidence goes a long way.

[ He's got it as bad as her when it comes to ego, Peter can't go around throwing any stones. Glass houses and all that. Besides, he doesn't doubt that she can get laid, it's just fun to mess with her. Panty's got character and she's pretty, that's more than enough for a place like Lunatia. ]

For all I know, you could be making this up. I'm half god myself on account of my biological father being a Celestial and yet most of the time no one believes me.

[ Just like her, Peter isn't lying. What's wrong with the universe letting people like them represent deities and angels? ]

So you do have wings. How many? Can you fly with them or they're for a show? Come on, it's honest curiosity now. How does an Angel end blowing up ghosts' brains? Shouldn't you be telling virgin women that they're going to be moms, or tuning sinners into pillars of salt? Do you have a flaming sword? I've heard they were all the rage in biblical times.

Celest-whatnow? Not looking very godly from where I'm sitting.

[ C'mon, dude. Panty's vocabulary isn't exactly what one would call "well-rounded" at the best of times. Stick to small words pls & ty.
Then he starts rattling off all the questions about stuff she probably can't be arsed to bother remembering in the first place. Jeez. That's one active imagination he's got. ]

Whatever crazy moon weed you're smoking, maybe tune it back by like... a lot. Do I look like I'd give a shit about teen moms or whatever? Who even does that?

[ There's a grand total of maybe two answers she can give him honestly. The rest is just dude, what of varying degrees of incredulity. ]

Nevermind. I lost my powers after my father was killed, so all I have left is enhanced endurance to pain and stamina.

[ Peter's starting to realize that. He couldn't help but be curious, is not every day that you meet a foul-mouthed angel. But fiiiiine, he will slow down. A little. ]

Alright, all right. So sensitive. But what's Heaven like? I'm assuming you saw it at some point.

Bummer. You got demoted to average chumpster skills, then.

[ Alas, he'll get no sympathy from Panty. She's not the best at caring about familial ties. ]

"At some point"? It's like angels come from Heaven or something. Groundbreaking. [ Panty scoffs. ] I mean, it's home I guess? What part of Heaven are we talking here, school?

It was kind of my own choice too, so...I don't mind that much. Being able to manipulate matter was super cool, though, I miss that.

[ He doesn't need sympathy, what's done is done, so it's all good. ]

You're nothing like the sort of angels we know about in my world, it was a legit question! What, Heaven has schools!?

[ That's horrible. He would have expected that in hell. ]

Uh, yeah, no shit? Didn't learn much.

[ Panty, not attending class? What a shock. Take a wild guess what she was doing instead. ]

Got booted out ages ago though so that might've changed. Didn't you have to go to "celestial brat school" or something?

What do they even teach in Heaven school?

[ He doesn't expect Panty to give a straight answer but he has to ask because he's too curious not to.

Was she busy either killing things or sleeping with someone...? It seems like her style, not like Peter would judge her. ]

It doesn't sound like you had a lot of fun up there anyway.

And no, my psychopath of a father showed for the first time a few years ago and told me how to use my powers. It was all a test and a deception. He had thousands of children before and killed them all when they didn't give signs of having his celestial genes. He's dead now.

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Home Sweet Home ► VIDEO ► UN:pumpaction

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