voice ; un: carcinoGeneticist ; love lessons

[mutantblood]

[ The day had long since begun but the room on the video feed was dark. The curtains off frame were drawn but filtered enough light through the fabric for the scene to be visible, though the room remained suitably dimmed for the nocturnal owner of the Level 2 apartment. A moderate sized whiteboard had been haphazardly, but securely, taped against a wall by its uppermost edge. Symbols had been drawn upon the canvas: a red heart, a red diamond; to their right was a black spade, and a black club. The heart and spade were beside one another with the diamond and club below them in a symmetrical arrangement. It was a rough, messy diagram, but it served its purpose. A few seconds of fumbling and screen shaking later seemed to settle the recording device against whatever it had propped itself upon. A small, grey hand slapped a blank section of the board with a misleading amount of force. ]

Can everybody stop their jerk-off small talk circles for a minute and actually pay attention to something important?

[ The owner of the demanding voice shuffled into frame. From the mussed up hair, dark circles beneath his eyes, and the sagging of his shoulders, it was apparent that this small alien was up far past his bedtime. Despite how his withered posture was borderline drowning in his dark sweater, the insistence in his voice was clear. He had something to say and he was going to make damn sure that people heard it. ]

I know you sorry sacks of shit go feral over all of this Moonlacing crap, but your lack of social awareness is fucking abysmal. For my sake, your sake, and the sake of any future trolls that find their unfortunate carcasses dragged into cuddlefuck hell, I'm going to take one for the team and attempt to educate you about Quadrants.

[ The clawed pointer finger of his right hand gestured to the top row of symbols: the red heart and the black spade. It tapped beside the heart first. ]

I know you filthy degenerates are going to want to jump right into the relationships that focus on burying your bulge. Red romance, Matespritship, is the closest equivalent we have to a human's stunted romantic relationships. It's a bond built on pity, affection, and mating fondness. That should be an easy springboard to stimulate your Godawful sponges by shoving something familiar under your noses. Unlike humans, we aren't so primitive as to restrict or discourage relationships based on genders. All of our sexual organs are structured the same way and are viable for producing reproductive slurry. I'm not going to shit on any troll who has a masculine or feminine preference in their pailing partners, but that's an aesthetic choice and not something imposed on them by society. Seriously, what the fuck are humans even doing?

[ Karkat raised his hand and then tapped beside the black spade symbol. ]

Now we're getting into shit that your spongecells are going to struggle to comprehend. Black romance, like red romance, is a sexually aligned quadrant. Take all of that positive energy I just mentioned and kick the everloving shit out of it. Kismesissitude is a quadrant that thrives on frustration, hatred, and mating fondness. They don't piss you off enough for you to want to kill them, but fuck do you ever just want to dig your teeth into their smug asses and show them their place. A strong pair of Kismesis will always push each other to do better and will probably rip the throat out of any troll who thinks they're hot shit enough to lay a malicious finger on their partner. The two points of a black romance that humans always neglect to realise is: both parties share the same feelings for one another, and mutual respect is key. Red romances and black romances are both equally as intense and trolls sure as hell can flip back and forth between them both before settling their shit and committing.

[ The troll screwed his eyes shut and soothed the bridge of his nose with his left hand. The subtle, yellow glow of his eyes peeked through his fingers until he lowered his hand. A beat and a breath later, and he gestured to the bottom row of symbols. A firm tap of two fingers indicated that the diamond would be the first choice of topic. ]

The last two Quadrants are platonic attractions. Troll romance extends beyond an excuse to get your graspers all over your partner. Moirallegiance is the pale quadrant, and is based upon positive emotions not unlike red romance. Your Moirail exists to keep you grounded, and vice versa - pull your fucking weight and pap them once in a while. They're somebody you trust enough to be vulnerable around, to be soothed by, to let all that shit off your shoulders that's making your torso pillar buckle. A Moirail is especially important for Highblooded trolls who can flip their shit and massacre a small subgrub because they rolled out of the wrong side of their cocoon. Again, mating is not a part of a pale romance. There can be exceptions, such as each lacking a red partner during drone season, or for the sake of helping their partner through a reeeally fucking awful heat cycle, but the nature of the relationship in itself is completely platonic. You shouldn't fuck your Moirail.

[ Onto the last one. God, how can this guy talk for so long? Though he steadily seems to be running out of steam he seems no less enthusiastic. The black club symbol is tapped. ]

Auspisticism, you guessed it, has its roots in negative emotions. Say you have a pair of trolls who are God fucking awful for one another and are vacillating from black romance into platonic, murderous intent every other wipe. They need an Auspistice. They're mediators and keep shit from going south, romantically or otherwise, so thank fuck for that. Trolls kill each other enough even with Auspistices managing unstable Kismesissitudes. A troll can Auspise multiple black, or potential black, pairings. As long as they're capable and don't neglect one for the other. That's how unfortunate bastards end up dead after a black fling gone globes-up.

[ Karkat straightened his posture and took a long, deep breath. He jabbed a finger towards his communication device. ]

Now there's no excuse for you snivelling shitstains to claim ignorance. I laid it all out on a metaphorical nutrient plateau in the most painfully simple manner that I could manage. A couple of minor details to prevent questions from cropping up: Lowblooded Quadmates are permitted to wear the colours of their Highblooded partners to prevent pissing anybody off with a wrongful culling, and traditionally you only have one pairing of each quadrant. Except Auspisticism, but I just fucking went over that, so whatever.

[ The troll shifted his stance and wearily soothed the back of his neck. ]

Ask questions. As long as you aren't making me repeat myself I probably wont berate you about them.

[ Probably. End video. ]

Comments

I have been WAITING for something like this...

[foolishjustice]

Wait...

[A beat, as he stares at the camera. And then...]

There's a word for when you want to punch someone and kiss them at the same time?

Welcome to troll hell.

[mutantblood]

SEVERAL.
BLACKROM. PITCH. IN SPADES. HATEMATE. KISSING IS ACTUALLY BOTH A RED AND BLACK EXPRESSION OF AFFECTION.

CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU ACTUALLY LEARNED SOMETHING.

[Text; un: turntechGodhead] oh my god this post lmao

[itsknighttime]

excuse me teacher i have a question
i have my hand up and everything
dont ask how im holding my device and typing if i have one hand up

[[No he doesn't. But he will make shit up just to be a dickhole.]]

I promised and my remorse is immense.

[mutantblood]

DAVE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHERE YOUR HAND IS.
JUST ASK THE DAMN QUESTION.

Welcome to your worst nightmare

[deathboss]

Why the hell is this so damn important?

I'm living it.

[mutantblood]

BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY.
BUT ALSO BECAUSE OF THE IMPLICATIONS THAT MOONLACING CAN HAVE FOR A TROLL.
SURPRISE. I AM A TROLL.
IT'S EASIER TO SCREAM THIS SHIT ONTO THE NETWORK THAN GO OVER IT A THOUSAND TIMES ANY TIME SOME UNFORTUNATE FUCKER WANTS TO CUDDLE.

text; un: ruffestrabbit

[zunge]

Are you always this longwinded? It sounds like each of these could be summed up as mutually beneficial arrangements that are all slightly different from each other. I fail to see what makes it important for everyone here to know, though. Just how many trolls do you expect the humans here to run into?

text

[mutantblood]

YES I AM.
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
THIS IS ACTUALLY THE ABRIDGED VERSION SO SLAM YOUR CHAGRIN TUNNEL SHUT AND QUIT YOUR WHINING.

MOONLACING.
I DON'T WANT TO REPEAT MYSELF OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
I AM A TROLL. THERE WAS ANOTHER TROLL LINGERING AROUND LIKE A BAD SMELL BACK WHEN THERE WAS THAT HUGE SALE FESTIVAL BULLSHIT, OR WHATEVER THAT WAS.
ALSO A HUMAN FROM MY WORLD THAT EXISTS AROUND TROLLS.
IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME IF MORE TROLLS DECIDED POP UP LIKE WEEDS ON A NEGLECTED LAWNRING.

Video - UN: hopefulfuture

[despairing_hope]

You say all of that like it's complicated, but, it's not really that alien. Humans have these sorts of feelings, they're just not categorized like that.

[He couldn't help but sigh. What was the point?]

This is a bit of a waste of time, and a presumption that this information on how you manage your love life matters to anyone else.

Are we suppose to care?

text ; un:carcinoGeneticist

[mutantblood]

YOU'RE CAPABLE OF THESE EMOTIONS, BUT THEY'RE STUNTED AND PATHETIC JUST LIKE YOUR KIND ARE AS A WHOLE.
WHAT BENEFIT WOULD IT BRING IF I EXPLAINED THESE FEELINGS IN A WAY YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND?
SPOILER: LITERALLY FUCKING NONE.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU CARE OR NOT.
AND IT'S NOT JUST MY LOVE LIFE.
IT'S THE LOVE LIFE OF MY ENTIRE RACE.
AND IT'S CULTURAL, NOT JUST A CASE OF WHO IS HOOKING UP WITH WHO.
YOU CAN GET THE HELL OFF OF MY POST IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ASK ANY DECENT QUESTIONS.

I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THIS SHIT SETTLED AHEAD OF TIME FOR ANY UNFORTUNATE BULGESTAINS I MOONLACE WITH.
OR ANYONE WHO DECIDES TO MOONLACE WITH A TROLL.
EVEN THE MOST PLATONIC CONTACT CAN HAVE SERIOUS ROMANTIC IMPLICATIONS FOR US.

video ; because u knew it was coming

[cadeuces]

( This icon is exactly her face rn. )

"Pap"? I imagine that doesn't mean what I understand it to mean. It's interesting to hear many of these categorized as various aspects of romance, however. They're all important emotions and relationships, you're right about that. I've never heard of social structures that support having an outlet for negative emotions, though, and that's quite fascinating, really.

It makes sense from what I understand of the culture you spoke of before. Though it makes me wonder where I'd fit in.

( Speak the forbidden words, hissing cockroach alien son. Tell her she's your mom-rail. )

text ; un: carcinoGeneticist

[mutantblood]

[ Thank you, Angela. A rare beam of positive vibes in an (understandable) sea of 'but why tho'. ]

IT'S A SOOTHING GESTURE.
YOU PLACE THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ON A TROLL'S CHEEK AND JUST...
PAP. GENTLY.
WE'RE HARDWIRED TO SETTLE OUR SHIT ON PRINCIPLE BUT IT'S VERY PALE.
SO IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU JUST... DO.

WHERE YOU WOULD FIT DEPENDS ON THE TROLL AND THE NATURE OF THEIR ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR YOU.

[ Hypothetically. ]

text; UN: Persephone

[ragingnature]

Thank you for your explanation on how your people view various romantic entanglements. [ She has to wonder what Aphrodite or Eros would think of all this. ]

Though I do echo the sentiment as to why this is so important for everyone else here to know. I don't ask to be combative I'm simply curious.

text ; un: carcinoGeneticist

[mutantblood]

YOU'RE WELCOME.
EVEN IF NOBODY SEEMS TO REALISE IT, THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT.

IT'S IN CASE OF MOONLACING.
A LOT OF TROLL GESTURES THAT HUMANS SEE AS ORDINARY ARE PRETTY FUCKING RIPE WITH IMPLICATIONS.
IT'S FOR THE SAKE OF ME, TROLLS, AND ANY OF YOU UNLUCKY SONS OF BITCHES THAT MOONLACE WITH TROLLS IN THE FUTURE.

[have_hat_will_travel]

... This seems like the structure was made to be intentionally overcomplicated?

Like it was designed specifically to seem wide open but in reality be very culturally restrictive?

test ; un: carcinoGeneticist

[mutantblood]

EMOTIONS ARE COMPLICATED.
THAT'S JUST WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR KIND ARE CAPABLE OF A WIDER RANGE OF INTIMATE EMOTIONS OVER HUMANS.
EVERYTHING NEEDS A NAME.
AND THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT TO OUR RACE.
CULTURALLY, FOR THE SAKE OF REPOPULATING, AND FOR EMOTIONAL WELL BEING.

I THINK HUMANS HAVE A MORE RESTRICTIVE ROMANTIC STRUCTURE.
I'M NOT SPONGEFUCKED. I KNOW PEOPLE DEVIATE.
BUT THE STANDARD SEEMS TO BE: ONE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP, MALE AND FEMALE.
THAT'S IT.

video; un: aphrodite

[wingstosee]

[ venus is doing her best to listen. honest to god, she really is. but there's just so much? there's so much and nobody understands. especially her.

so she just... turns on the video. and raises her hand. it's not even a sarcastic gesture, it just seemed appropriate? ]

text ; un: carcinoGeneticist

[mutantblood]

ASK THE QUESTION.
THIS ISN'T A SCHOOLHIVE, YOU CAN LOWER YOUR GRASPER.

[teaserving]

oh my fucking god i would rather fist myself than listen to this again

text ; un: carcinoGeneticist

[mutantblood]

GOOD.
BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO REPEAT MYSELF.

[ He absolutely will repeat himself. ]

video because he's currently still a cat | un: Оцелотовая Хватка

[ocelthot]

Frankly this is over complicating things.

And I object to the first two needing to be two different things.

text ; un: carcinoGeneticist (omg)

[mutantblood]

THAT'S MY CULTURE SO TOUGH SHIT.
I WOULDN'T EXPECT A CREATURE WHO MAKES A HOBBY OUT OF LICKING THEIR ASSHOLE ALL DAY TO UNDERSTAND.

NONE OF THAT WAS A QUESTION.
CONGRATULATIONS. YOU FUCKED UP.

text | username: absterge

[downswing]

You are in... kismesissitude with your listeners?




( IS HE RIGHT, DID HE GET IT RIGHT, IS THERE AN AWARD. )

text ; un: carcinoGeneticist

[mutantblood]

PLATONIC HATRED IS A THING.
I DON'T HATE EVERYBODY ON THIS GODFORSAKEN NETWORK, EVEN IF YOU ALL PISS ME OFF.

ALSO I'M NOT WHIPPING MY BULGE OUT OVER HOW FRUSTRATING YOU ARE TO DEAL WITH.
IF I WAS THEN THAT WOULD BE CORRECT TO A POINT.
I WOULD HAVE BLACK/PITCH FEELINGS FOR THE LISTENERS, BUT FOR IT TO BE A KISMESISSITUDE THEN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WOULD HAVE TO RETURN THE FEELINGS.

un: TheHollowKnight

[instilled]

Emotions certainly are complicated.

audio

[darkcharge]

Never, in my life, did I ever think I would meet someone that liked to listen to himself talk more than the old man.

I guess I still can be surprised.

un: no

[terribletwos]

[ Hating the network is still a thing and will continue to be a thing for probably a long time, but learning about Moonlacing seems important here. And Roxas can't quell the endless curiosity that drives him in his need to learn more about the world he now lives in. He finds himself particularly interested in the explanations of Kismesissitude and Moirail. Even if this explanation does seem to go on for literally ever and there are a good many words that he will probably have to look up later, though he's pretty sure they're insults.

But there's an even more pressing question at play here... ]

what made you decide to share this/