prismatica | [Video] U/N: teacupprincess

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[Video] U/N: teacupprincess

[Perne is situated at a cosy-looking table in the Azure cafe. Chin in the palm of her hand, she tucks dark hair behind the shell of an ear.

Last time, she asked about a cathedral and couldn't recall getting a direct answer. She has, since then, assumed such a thing doesn't exist. But it did beckon some very interesting religious theory conversation.

This time, she has something different she is hunting for.]

I have found mineself with an alarming amount of free time and wish to invest it somewhere other than excessive and possibly unnecessary thought. I thought I had once heard rumour of a theatre house here in Lunatia. Is that true? I am aware we have other exhibitions of art, but mayhaps something musically or stagecraft inclined could be of benefit to many of us with such interests.

I acted as patron and worked within an opera house back where I hail from. I should like to reprise the role.

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Then I suppose I have acted like so for so long that I do not remember ever acting differently. I know how I am expected to act and that is different. I do not remember ever being exceptionally kindly or warm or welcoming. I was quiet, diplomatic when it was necessary, and withdrawn. I wanted to be more than I was allowed to be. I resented that I could not be. I envied mine brothers for all of the freedoms they received that I could not have.

I suspect resentment is such an intimate companion of mine that I cannot recall what things were like before I became so resentful.

I do not wish to tell you how to live your life, but I can only imagine that harboring such resentment must be tiring.

[She doesn't reply immediately. She also doesn't disagree or protest because at the end of the sun, he is right. There is nothing uplifting about resentment. It is heavy and weighted, burdensome, and it requires a kind of unnecessary suffering that... Well. Is unnecessary.

Perhaps she has forgotten that maybe she need not suffer constantly.]

Sometimes I think it is a bit like the cold. Since we see so much ice and stone and weathered days, it feels like it cannot touch me anymore. I—

[There is a moment's hesitation as she thinks of recent days and times. Thoughts. Realisations.]

I think I am afraid of facing things in a different way than I have become accustomed to. It is easier to dislike everything than it is to allow mineself to think otherwise.

[She believes he desired truth from her.]

[ He certainly appreciates the truth, and he gives her the space to speak, patient as she works through her thoughts. ]

What do you think is the worst that would happen, if you opened yourself up to enjoying things?

[She cannot help but think that she shouldn't be having this conversation with him. With anyone.]

Complacency.

[Her response is simple and straight forward.] To become accustomed to that seems dangerous. I would not call mineself strong enough to be capable of having to simply welcome resentment again when I could not otherwise be alleviated of it. At least by welcoming resentment now, I can do so without thinking it would break me. I do not have a guarantee of that in the future.

And you are certain, that the world would disappoint you enough that you must needs return to resentment?

I cannot exactly stay here forever. I suspect at some point, what I must needs return to will change. In time. However...

[Her gaze dips.]

I know I should not say this and I should not be saying it to you, of all people, but if I claim otherwise, it would be a lie. I am not good at lying. I do not believe or have enough faith in our people to see a change in our motherland in mine remaining years to the point where I could experience something other than oppression or persecution.

[But she does not sound displeased or upset by this. She sounds merely... resigned.]

[ Aymeric is quiet for a moment. ]

I understand your concern.

[ And, I mean, he does. He was literally stabbed in the street because of his attempts to reform. He knows not everyone is down with reforms. ]

But there is no requirement for you to stay in the Holy See. You spoke of La Noscea, did you not? Why not remain there?

I would rather be resentful than to have nothing, Aymeric.

The only thing I truly know is the world that I have grown up in. Because it is all I have been exposed to, it is where I ironically find the most comfort. Leaving the Holy See would mean losing everything I have. It would also rely on me being able to sustain mineself. I am not capable of that.

[She shakes her head.]

I am aware that I am the reason for mine discontent. I am not asking for it to change. I am less concerned with mine person than I am where our future is as a whole.

You are relying on yourself, here.

[ Maybe not well......but she's not dead yet? ]

And while I appreciate the sentiment about our future -- seeds sown with resentment will only grow to be bitter.

I would have you think that, aye. If it were not for the interference of others, you and I would not be speaking now. Nor would we have ever met.

[There is a long pause.]

Is that your way of telling me you want me removed from the Holy See? You are free to speak plainly with me.

Do you truly think so little of me, that I would so such a thing? Pray do not impute unto me such unthinking judgment.

[ He's actually really offended by this. He hasn't kicked out the people who stabbed/tortured/otherwise hecked him up. Why would he ever try to get rid of a woman who has made herself deeply unhappy? That's not even in the same realm of issues. ]

Mine lord, I would like very much to think the best of you. And in truth, I do. It was only a question and you easily could have said I misunderstood. I only had your words to interpret and had you mine ears when you said them, you might have understood how they came across.

Very well. You misunderstood.

Transparently.

[This butting head things with him... She wishes she did not feel a need to do so, so often. She does not do it joyfully.]

It was not mine intention to make any implications. That does not excuse it. It is merely mine way of apologising for causing such discontent.

You hadn't caused discontent. I was merely offering an observation.

[Perne does not look immediately convinced, but in the same way that he has respectfully not pushed her, she hastily concludes that she must not either. So a beat or two and she issues a smile. Small as it may be, it is there.]

In all fairness, I have not granted you many moments of observation where I am light of heart. Not to say they do not exist— [His Sanguis, for all of her uncertainty underneath a composure that spelled more confidence than she truly held.] I shall endeavour to... take mine own advice more. There are many things here, many... [People, really. Several people here who bring her something akin to joy, or have the potential to.] reasons here, for me to be content. If I would allow it. It is a process. I am still working through it.

You deserve happiness as well as any other. I hope that you will see that, one day.

I have never actually thought otherwise, you know. I know that I do. Knowing and feeling do not necessarily agree with one another.

[She waits, as if contemplating something. She's got him here. She might as well ask.]

Ah. You may be able to help me with this. A little, anyroad. I meant to pull you aside earlier, but have been hesitant to do so. I have a couple of questions for you, but I fear they are two entirely different subjects and one of them is not exactly appropriate.

[ He's surprised to hear that she has questions for him but he nods. ]

Ask them in whichever order you prefer and I will endeavor to answer.

The inappropriate one first then.

[She seems appreciative that he's willing to hear her out.]

What sorts of things do you like? In the proverbial bedroom, that is. [Perne pauses.] I know how that sounds. I wanted to hear a man's perspective, but there is not really anyone else I feel comfortable asking and I know that you will be honest with me.

[ Aymeric blushes a little. I guess this is still technically during sanguis so it's not as bad as it could be, but also looks kind of weird when you're part dragon. In any case, he is taking her seriously, at least, taking the time to consider his answer before responding. ]

I do not know that I can give you an answer that truly covers the variety of perspectives you would get from men, but I can tell you my experience. I have found that it varies, depending on whether or not the Sanguis moon is present. During Sanguis, I prefer to lead [ not with Perne maybe, but he worries about pushing boundaries with her. Or maybe he's just more submissive around women...generally...he's sort of noticed that, too. ] and I find myself more interested in a wider range of activities. Outside of the moon cycle I prefer things to be more simple. [ Read as: missionary ]

[She nods and for once, she's not getting flustered over it. Maybe because she knows she really needs to understand. For herself and for others who might somehow share her company.

Aymeric included, naturally. It is important to know these kinds of things.]

Both of those make sense to me. Are there any activities in particular you really enjoy? Between both, that is. If you feel like sharing. Again, I know this seems like a strange thing to ask. I am attempting to educate mineself that I might better... perform.

I just like knowing that my partner is happy. Even when I take control I try to watch them for signs that they're enjoying it, and try to respond to that. It's more about the mutual experience for me than any specific actions.

I suppose that would be a bit obvious. So it is not really the what, but rather the overall experience and the whom.

[Where has she heard that before.]

You sound confident in yourself. Is that genuine or do you ever feel uncertain?

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