text, un: bellabelle

[doreimi]

You know...at one point I would've made a post like this anonymously. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, exactly, but because sometimes you just want to talk about things without your name attached, you know? So that it's not really about you, just about the advice you're looking for. Or because you don't want people to look at you differently after they hear about it.

I guess it's because it's been so hot lately that it got me thinking about it. And also because of Cordis, a little. Sometimes I get wings for Cordis, and then all of a sudden my wardrobe gets pretty limited when it comes to...that. But anyway.

Really what I wanted to ask is —

For people who have scars, how do you think about them? Like are they a part of your identity now, or do they still bother you? Do they feel wrong when you look at them? And — if you are okay with them, did you do something to make yourself more okay with them? Or are you just kind of...never going to be okay with them, no matter what?

I have some. I think they're ugly, and hard to look at, and I try to keep them covered up so that they won't bother people who might see them. I guess really what I'm wondering is whether that's a feeling that's ever likely to change.

It's just something that's been on my mind more and more lately, is all.

Comments

text, un: KUWABARA

[machizumo]

I guess I don't really think about them very much. Except if I have gym or whatever.

Most of them aren't too bad. If anybody asks about them, I just lie.

[doreimi]

Oh? What kind of lies do you tell? I mean, some scars must be pretty hard to lie about, right...?

[machizumo]

I got a lot of like... punctures I guess. I don't know what else you'd call em. so I told my classmates I got attacked by some weird invasive species wasps. I don't know if they really bought it but none of em are gonna call me a liar to my face so.

The gnarly one's on my chest by my heart so I told em I had an operation as a kid. That kind of dumb shit.

When all of it happened I got healed up pretty good so they aren't as bad as they could be. definite advantage.

[doreimi]

...I guess that's sort of what mine are, too. Punctures. Mine are on my back, though, and I don't think I could chalk it up to wasps.

I didn't get mine healed, either. I, um...y'know. Died from them.

[machizumo]

Oh.

[ Well, FUCK. ]

Sorry. That sucks.

[ Yeah, that's... great save. Great recovery. Good job, man. ]

[doreimi]

Yeah, it's pretty rotten! Being a ghost is really boring, there's no one to talk to or anything. I'd definitely recommend avoiding it.

That's what I am, by the way. A ghost! At your service.

[machizumo]

Well you're the most pleasant ghost I've ever dealt with if that helps anything. They're usually mega-creepy! Or just a pain in the ass!

Is that how it works here? Ghosts?

[doreimi]

Well, thank you very much! A lot of people assume that, you know. It gets pretty tiring to have somebody assume the worst about you just because you happen to be a ghost! You can be perfectly nice and pleasant and then as soon as they find that out, people act like you're going to try to hurt them or something! Honestly.

And it's more like that's how it works back home! ...Sort of. I don't actually know why I ended up a ghost, really, except that I had some stuff I still had to take care of before I could move on, so I just stayed around.

[machizumo]

I think 'unfinished business' is the usual shtick yeah. A lot of times it's revenge or longing so maybe that's why you get that cold air and the chill down your spine and the low whispers.

I guess happy people don't typically avoid the reaper when she comes for em.

[doreimi]

...Wait, she? There's an actual grim reaper AND it's a girl?

[machizumo]

Yeah! Botan!

I mean I think there are others too but I never met em. I don't know if it's my region or what.
There's like a whole bureaucratic system for this shit apparently.

[doreimi]

Oh! What a cute name! Well, if a girl shows up to take me to heaven when I get back home, I'll definitely make sure to ask if that's her name!

...A bureaucracy? You mean...wait, so I'm not going to just...go to heaven? I have to wait in a line or something?

[machizumo]

If it helps, she's really bubbly with a blue ponytail and a pink kimono. And a big oar.

The rest... I don't really know how it works. Koenma complains that he has paperwork waiting practically every time I've seen him. I don't know if people gotta wait but there's some kind of process.

text; un: pewpewsp;

[grilletto]

sorry i don't know you
but i gotta ask
why would you lie about them?
are they lame stories or something?

[machizumo]

No. They're fine and valuable and all that.
They just ain't normal shit you run by normal high schoolers. I don't need anybody being wackier at me than they already are.

[grilletto]

yeah?
try me
at this point i'm pretty sure we've all been through some shit

[machizumo]

I went to a fighting tournament that's mostly demons and the lead up to that is kinda a whole other thing but ANYWAY
So I eventually fight this creepy little dude who's like a
I don't even know what to call it he can move EVERYTHING like he's made of clay or something.
Anyway he stabbed me a lot with his fingers. Stretched em out like big needles and got me pretty good.
And then his little brother rammed his hand through my sternum later so that was real fun.

I didn't get cut up TOO BAD apart from that. Except one thing with my hand. OOH and I got crushed real bad one time but that didn't really leave anything cause my skin didn't get ripped up.

[grilletto]

holy shit
the demon thing kind of threw me but i guess anything's possible
i mean i've been shot a lot and had a weird fishing line under my skin
going for my heart while everyone else was turning old
like wrinkles and everything
almost took down everyone on the whole fucking train
one of the guys had his teeth fall out
so i'm not gonna judge you for the demon thing

but if it's wild like that
what do you end up telling them with the finger scars
if they look like needles i could be easy i guess but you know

but what the hell crushed? seriously? did you die?

[machizumo]

Sounds complicated.

[ That's... all he's got for that. That's not demon shit? So is it human shit? Another break in the barrier doling out more weird powers? Yeesh. ]

I mean when I say needles it's like BIG ONES so I got these coin sized marks and I tell people it was really mean shitty wasps from far off somewhere. Then I can't tell em the name of the bugs and they can't go and look it up.

Never died. Not for lack of trying.

[grilletto]

if i'm being honest
yours sounds just as complicated
i'm beginning to think that no one they brought here had a normal life
or at least not a calm one

glad you didn't die though, i guess
not that it matters here because i know a few that were dead before and came back
i was ready to hook you up with some of them to talk about it or something
but i guess you don't need help there

[machizumo]

Nah. Miraculously recovering from death is Urameshi's shtick not mine.
When he shows up I'll let you know. Just in case your support group needs a most obnoxious member.

sorry i'm late, gmail ate some of my tags

[grilletto]

nah we already have one of those
he's just not here right now
pros and cons to that but it can't be helped
besides it's something i'm part of anyway
probably should have been part of it but i've had some luck

so i'm gonna assume you're not a stand user then?
you've got something else going on?

an eternal pox on gmail

[machizumo]

I stand all the time. Do I come off as really lazy or something?

[grilletto]

okay that tells me everything i need to know
i'm not trying to say you're lazy or anything
hell, i've never seen you so it'd be a little messed up to assume

so now i have to ask
are you lazy?

[machizumo]

Of course not! I'll have you know I'm extremely hard-working!

I just don't know what a stand user is or what anybody's supposed to assume it is.