[Video] U/N: teacupprincess

[porcelainandblood]

[Perne is situated at a cosy-looking table in the Azure cafe. Chin in the palm of her hand, she tucks dark hair behind the shell of an ear.

Last time, she asked about a cathedral and couldn't recall getting a direct answer. She has, since then, assumed such a thing doesn't exist. But it did beckon some very interesting religious theory conversation.

This time, she has something different she is hunting for.]

I have found mineself with an alarming amount of free time and wish to invest it somewhere other than excessive and possibly unnecessary thought. I thought I had once heard rumour of a theatre house here in Lunatia. Is that true? I am aware we have other exhibitions of art, but mayhaps something musically or stagecraft inclined could be of benefit to many of us with such interests.

I acted as patron and worked within an opera house back where I hail from. I should like to reprise the role.

Comments

[porcelainandblood]

I... like music a bit. More than a bit, actually. I am quite good at playing the harp. Mine parents thought it might make up for mine shining personality, and though I complained a great deal at them supposedly having made me do it, I enjoyed it. Very much.

[ishgards]

Music.

[ He does not write it down. But he is thinking about it, to remember. ]

It does not surprise me that you would become good at it. Though you need not insult yourself in explaining it to me.

[porcelainandblood]

I was not. I was being absolutely serious. It was supposed to make me appealing because I was rude to mine suitors. If one wishes to call them such. Mine parents believed I needed something to offset that harsh side to me.

[She thumbs at her chin thoughtfully. Yes. He has probably earned some of this information by this point.]

I never expected to like it as much as I do. For me, it was a means of expressing mineself where I otherwise could not. I was afraid if mine parents knew I liked it, they would take it from me to punish me when I did wrong, so I pretended to hate it, so they would allow me to continue pursuing it.

[ishgards]

I am sorry to hear that you had such a difficult time with your parents.

[porcelainandblood]

What a strange thing to say.

[She shakes her head at him.]

You can understand why I do not speak much of such things. I am unsure what to say if someone wants to make an apology. All the same, we were talking about harps and music, were we not? Surely you find that more interesting, aye? Do you like music, mine lord?

[ishgards]

It is not a strange thing. It is sympathy. But there is no need for us to pursue a conversation that makes you so clearly uncomfortable.

[porcelainandblood]

Well... I would not say I am uncomfortable. I do not speak much of mine family. I never thought it would come up. But I... suppose I do not mind telling you a little bit more about them if that is something you are interested in hearing. I understand I have been sparse with mine information.

locked to perne;

[ishgards]

[ even aymeric has learned how to make messages private, and given how little she talks about this stuff, he figures she might not like to air it out for the whole network ]

I am happy to listen, if you wish to talk.

[porcelainandblood]

[Well. At least he knows how to do that. Because she doesn't. Seems he's a hero to her once again. Of a form.]

How rather open-ended. I am not the sort to speak unnecessarily. I suppose what I meant was that if there was anything you wished to know, anything I might have inadvertently birthed questions for regarding mine behaviour, that I am willing to issue clarification.

If I can, that is.

[ishgards]

I am in no need of clarifications, Lady de Archevauliere. We -- all of us -- are more than the circumstances of our birth. That you had a difficult time with your parents is something regrettable, but it does not define you. How you act is up to your own agency.

[porcelainandblood]

I am inclined to agree with you. Within reason.

I act only how I know to. Mayhaps because I have not been given circumstances to consider that I would permitted to act differently. You are surely the same, though we all have different levels of acclimation, I assume.

[ishgards]

You say that, but think of the story you told. A noble raised in Ishgard knows to be courteous to suitors, and would have shown the joy at being able to praise Halone through song. You have already proven that you know how to act differently.

[porcelainandblood]

Then I suppose I have acted like so for so long that I do not remember ever acting differently. I know how I am expected to act and that is different. I do not remember ever being exceptionally kindly or warm or welcoming. I was quiet, diplomatic when it was necessary, and withdrawn. I wanted to be more than I was allowed to be. I resented that I could not be. I envied mine brothers for all of the freedoms they received that I could not have.

I suspect resentment is such an intimate companion of mine that I cannot recall what things were like before I became so resentful.

[ishgards]

I do not wish to tell you how to live your life, but I can only imagine that harboring such resentment must be tiring.

[porcelainandblood]

[She doesn't reply immediately. She also doesn't disagree or protest because at the end of the sun, he is right. There is nothing uplifting about resentment. It is heavy and weighted, burdensome, and it requires a kind of unnecessary suffering that... Well. Is unnecessary.

Perhaps she has forgotten that maybe she need not suffer constantly.]

Sometimes I think it is a bit like the cold. Since we see so much ice and stone and weathered days, it feels like it cannot touch me anymore. I—

[There is a moment's hesitation as she thinks of recent days and times. Thoughts. Realisations.]

I think I am afraid of facing things in a different way than I have become accustomed to. It is easier to dislike everything than it is to allow mineself to think otherwise.

[She believes he desired truth from her.]

[ishgards]

[ He certainly appreciates the truth, and he gives her the space to speak, patient as she works through her thoughts. ]

What do you think is the worst that would happen, if you opened yourself up to enjoying things?

[porcelainandblood]

[She cannot help but think that she shouldn't be having this conversation with him. With anyone.]

Complacency.

[Her response is simple and straight forward.] To become accustomed to that seems dangerous. I would not call mineself strong enough to be capable of having to simply welcome resentment again when I could not otherwise be alleviated of it. At least by welcoming resentment now, I can do so without thinking it would break me. I do not have a guarantee of that in the future.

[ishgards]

And you are certain, that the world would disappoint you enough that you must needs return to resentment?

[porcelainandblood]

I cannot exactly stay here forever. I suspect at some point, what I must needs return to will change. In time. However...

[Her gaze dips.]

I know I should not say this and I should not be saying it to you, of all people, but if I claim otherwise, it would be a lie. I am not good at lying. I do not believe or have enough faith in our people to see a change in our motherland in mine remaining years to the point where I could experience something other than oppression or persecution.

[But she does not sound displeased or upset by this. She sounds merely... resigned.]

[ishgards]

[ Aymeric is quiet for a moment. ]

I understand your concern.

[ And, I mean, he does. He was literally stabbed in the street because of his attempts to reform. He knows not everyone is down with reforms. ]

But there is no requirement for you to stay in the Holy See. You spoke of La Noscea, did you not? Why not remain there?

[porcelainandblood]

I would rather be resentful than to have nothing, Aymeric.

The only thing I truly know is the world that I have grown up in. Because it is all I have been exposed to, it is where I ironically find the most comfort. Leaving the Holy See would mean losing everything I have. It would also rely on me being able to sustain mineself. I am not capable of that.

[She shakes her head.]

I am aware that I am the reason for mine discontent. I am not asking for it to change. I am less concerned with mine person than I am where our future is as a whole.

[ishgards]

You are relying on yourself, here.

[ Maybe not well......but she's not dead yet? ]

And while I appreciate the sentiment about our future -- seeds sown with resentment will only grow to be bitter.

[porcelainandblood]

I would have you think that, aye. If it were not for the interference of others, you and I would not be speaking now. Nor would we have ever met.

[There is a long pause.]

Is that your way of telling me you want me removed from the Holy See? You are free to speak plainly with me.

[ishgards]

Do you truly think so little of me, that I would so such a thing? Pray do not impute unto me such unthinking judgment.

[ He's actually really offended by this. He hasn't kicked out the people who stabbed/tortured/otherwise hecked him up. Why would he ever try to get rid of a woman who has made herself deeply unhappy? That's not even in the same realm of issues. ]

[porcelainandblood]

Mine lord, I would like very much to think the best of you. And in truth, I do. It was only a question and you easily could have said I misunderstood. I only had your words to interpret and had you mine ears when you said them, you might have understood how they came across.