fifth ☕✨ tinder / moonlacing mingle!

[cadeuces]

( Ping! Your profile needs updating, there's hot singles in your area, it's a swipe frenzy— you all know the push updates with dating apps, right? Maybe you need to brush up your Chroma to buy a place in Amegahara and it just sounds like it's worth a shot, or someone gets ahold of your device and "helps" you along. Upload some new selfies with that new Moonblessing of yours, drop in an About Me, and get to swiping!

And Please— someone please come up with a better name than Prismates because the moons alone make sure we're more than just mammals and no one's obligated to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. We all know the drill by now, don't we? Swipe right or left, yes or no, mark yourself down to moonlace and flirt or just rile a friend up with a big red X— try to include an opening message! Happy Hump Day? )

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, 26 (Iris)

💖 Square-ish images work best! 💖 Thumbnail images are clickable, that's why there's two IMG2 / IMG3 / IMG4 placeholders each!

✓          ✕

EDIT YOUR PROFILE! <center><table style="width:260px; font-family:arial narrow, sans-serif; line-height:2; letter-spacing:1pt;"><tr><td align="center"><img src="MAIN IMAGE" style="width:245px; object-fit:cover; border-radius:15px; border:1px solid #AAA; box-shadow:#ccc 1px 1px 1px;"></td></tr> <tr><td><div align="left"><b><big>FIRST LAST, AGE (Sanguis/Cordis/Iris)</big></b></div></td></tr> <tr><td><div align="right"><a href="IMG2" style="text-decoration:none;"><img src="IMG2" style="width:45px; object-fit:cover; border-radius:10px; border:1px solid #AAA; box-shadow:#ccc 1px 1px 1px;"></a> <a href="IMG3" style="text-decoration:none;"><img src="IMG3" style="width:45px; object-fit:cover; border-radius:10px; border:1px solid #AAA; box-shadow:#ccc 1px 1px 1px;"></a> <a href="IMG4" style="text-decoration:none;"><img src="IMG4" style="width:45px; object-fit:cover; border-radius:10px; border:1px solid #AAA; box-shadow:#ccc 1px 1px 1px;"></a></div></td></tr> <tr><td style="background:linear-gradient(to right, transparent, #4B4E9F, #4FC1E9, #4B4E9F, transparent);" height="2px"></td></tr> <tr><td><br/><div align="justify">BIO BLURB GOES HERE, IMPRESS US!</div></td></tr> <tr><td><center><span style="font-family:times; font-size:40px; color:#2EB82E;">✓</span>          <span style="font-family:times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span></center></td></tr></table></center>

YES <span style="font-family:times; font-size:40px; color:#2EB82E;">✓</span>

NO <span style="font-family:times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span>

Comments

Toushirou Hijikata (posted by Sougo Okita) | Gintama | un:mayofucker

[firstsaderesponder]

Toshirou Hijikata, old af, Sanguis

I'm just a lonely otaku and the former Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi. I'm sad I lost my position to my subordinate, so most of the time I'm really angry. I need to loosen up. My #1 kink is mayonnaiseplay. Let me lick mayonnaise off you or f*** me with mayonnaise. I don't care, I'm only looking for someone to give me some sweet mayo loving. :( If you're a mayonnaise mascot, even better.

✓          ✕

[ooc note: Sougo will be replying as Hijikata! at least until Hijikata finds out]

« text » un: foxlike

[foxtouched]

[ She's so shocked by this that she's not sure what to think. This isn't the Hijikata she met! Also she has no idea people can fake others on here. ]

I do not know what mayonnaise is but I hope I never need such a thing, Hijikata-San.

un: mayofucker

[firstsaderesponder]

[Faking Hijikata is easy enough when Sougo can make a separate account and upload the angry photos he has of the vice-chief. Unfortunately, he is unaware of Kitsuno and Hijikata's previous acquaintance. But this should make it all the more interesting.]

You've never had Kewpie mayo before? It's dog food. But we need it if we're going to do it. You shouldn't knock mayo play before you try it.

[foxtouched]

[ Those pictures are traumatizing too, but you know what... this is fine. Mortals are fine...

By the Goddess, are mortals okay?! ]

What... exactly are we doing with this Kewpie mayo? Why would we play with it?

[ This is going over her head. ]

[firstsaderesponder]

[If only she knew...]

I can't get it up unless mayo is involved. :(

[Hey, for all Sougo knows, this could be true about Hijikata.]

text; un: lucio

[poopio]

Is this a clever word game?
A four-letter action word beginning with F.
Ah, feed! Did I guess correctly?

un: mayofucker

[firstsaderesponder]

[Is....is this person serious.

Sougo is not sure whether Lucio is that innocent, that dumb, both, or just trying to fuck with him in return.

Oh well. Let's feign ignorance and see how Lucio reacts.]

No, you're wrong. Hint: it's a dirty word.

If you get it right, I'll let you do whatever you want to me!

[poopio]

It must be flay.
Though I hope you do not mean that.
Even for the pursuit of pleasure, it seems quite drastic.

[ His knowledge of kinks has just gotten one very questionable level up. ]

[firstsaderesponder]

[So this person...doesn't know what the word "fuck" means but is aware of sadistic acts? That's...interesting.]

No, but this guess is closer.

I would love to be flayed though. I'm the biggest M.

[mayoninofukucho]

[Hijikata nearly has a small heart attack when he comes across this butt-ugly profile. Of course he isn't privy to any of the private messages Sougo - because who else but Sougo would be behind this; who else would have such excessively unflattering photos of him - may have exchanged with poor unsuspecting people in his name, but he hammers away on his device in a fury, composing a capslocked message.]

DELETE THIS FUCKING ACCOUNT SOUGO

YOU SHITTY IMPOSTER

GET A JOB!!!

[firstsaderesponder]

[FINALLY the man of the hour has noticed! Doesn't it look so beautiful? Hijikata's instincts are spot-on, but all signs point to Sougo.]

no

[Yes, that's really all the answer Hijikata will get.]

[mayoninofukucho]

[OF COURSE. Sougo must be having a field day with this bullshit!! How many people is he catfishing?! Is he telling anyone Hijikata knows awful lies about him?! Hijikata knows it's pointless to respond, but he'll put a warning on his own profile (he made one because he needs more fellow Sanguises to fight with when the red moon strikes again, okay), and he may just set a trap in front of Sougo's apartment door overnight. Perhaps he'll delete this awful parody account at swordpoint.]

[firstsaderesponder]

[And how many times has that worked out? Exactly.

Yeah...good luck with that.]

[hoasen]

[Oh god suddenly everything makes sense when it comes to Sougo's judgment of his kinks.

OHHHHH.]

I see.

[firstsaderesponder]

[Hey, making fun of Hijikata is just what any normal person would do!]

Do you like what you see...this is so embarrassing. I'm so shy, but I just need to get laid!

[hoasen]

[Is it because of his reaction, is it?!]

I am certain there are many who would be willing to help you?

[firstsaderesponder]

[Always.]

Don't you want to help me? Oh, okay.... :(

[fuckinghysterical]

[Having spent a good portion of her career impersonating other people, and running into Hijikata to at least have a basic understanding of his character, her first impression was that someone was trying to smear his name, for whatever reason. Having done a little bit of that herself in the past, LB takes it on herself to investigate whether this is a potential threat to him or not. Because hey, she figured she at least owed him one for saving her ass before.

While she might not be as convincing in person, the beautiful thing about text was that she could easily morph herself into any type of character without too much effort. So, she was just going to pretend to be into this, for now.]

well, if you need to loosen up, i won't judge. mayo isn't too hard to get, right? :) [She REALLY wonders about the emphasis on mayonnaise, but fuck it. LB doesn't even really care how this makes her look.

Suspecting something from the first part of the blurb, she decides to try to dig into it.]

how did you lose your position to your subordinate, though?

un: mayofucker

[firstsaderesponder]

[LB, you are correct. Unfortunately, Sougo has no idea who she is. He hasn't been keeping much tabs on Hijikata here, simply because he's been lazier in this world. That's Sougo's mistake. Not that a relatively anonymous message would give him any leads at all even if he did know about her. So to him, this is just another taker for this fake profile that he can potentially use to mess with Hijikata]

Mayonnaise is very easy to get, but you have to look in the dog food section. So you'll do it? You'll really help me loosen up?

I don't like to talk about it that much, but he beat me in a battle.

[Sougo, you just said he didn't want to talk about it yet made him talk about it anyways.]

[fuckinghysterical]

[Mayo in the dog food section??? Either she's really behind on the advancement of mayonnaise (which she seriously considers a possibility) or this guy was really trying to mess with her. She puts more stock on the latter, but does still remind herself to try searching "dog food" and "mayonnaise" later on, just in case.

But for now, fuck it, further down the rabbit hole she goes.]

your tastes are pretty peculiar, aren't they? well, i think i'd be willing to accommodate a handsome man like you.

[Though she liked text for the relatively easy mask on her emotions, she was still glad that she learned about the existence of emoticons not too much before messaging him.]

he managed to beat someone like you? 😯 how so???

[firstsaderesponder]

["Dog food" is just how Sougo personally refers to mayonnaise to piss Hijikata off, but...the mayonnaise Hijikata is used to is different in Prismatica. Apparently, local convenience stores are selling MoyoNice Dog Food similar to kewpie mayonnaise.]

Yes...it's really embarrassing, but I want to find someone who would love to do nasty things with mayonnaise with me. I may be handsome but I can't get it up otherwise. :(

I'm actually very weak. He challenged me to a duel for my position. Not even one second in and he defeated me. He's too good.

[Huh, it's pretty obvious who this is, isn't it?]

[tsukky]

[ Of course she has a hunch who this really is. More than a hunch, really. She knows, but she'll still prod a little further. ]

I told you that you should have gone to the red light district.

They'll charge you double for that stuff though.

[firstsaderesponder]

[If you know the both of them, it's of course very obvious.]

I was too embarrassed before...but now I think I want to try.

What are your rates?

[tsukky]

[ And it's getting more and more obvious. ]

You couldn't afford me.

But... As it's you... I can give you a discount.

[firstsaderesponder]

Really? I'm surprised. I didn't think you'd be so expensive.

[Putting an underhanded insult in there for good measure.]